• Not Me - demo of a work in progress
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  • Jurgen
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Not Me - demo of a work in progress
on: May 23, 2019, 03:43:22
Hi,

I've recently started writing songs again after a break of a year or so.

This is one that I actually had most of the words for a couple of years ago - it was a bit jazzy then.

Now it has a darker feel and I'm also really stretching myself on the vocals (still a weak area for me).

It's all recorded live, one take, so it's all a bit loose.

https://soundcloud.com/jurgen-joarder/not-me-sketch/s-TD1bD

I'm writing a lot of short songs - my band play live and I like the idea of songs being 2 to 3 mins. If someone doesn't like a song, there's another coming pretty quick!

I'd like some feedback on the vocals and also the song structure - there'll be a solo during the break where there's no singing. Is it too repetitive? Does it need a bridge?

I'm also thinking it might be too slow for a live song and maybe it should be something we end up recording rather than playing it live?

Words:

I see you out walking
each day around nine
I imagine us talking
Your hand held in mine


We pause and sit a while
admiring the view/take in the scene
I take in your gentle smile
sink into your eyes of blue/green


chorus
But You're with somebody who's not me
someone I could never be


I follow a few steps behind
You don't know I exist
I don't think you'll be mine
But still I persist

At night I twist and turn
lie tangled in sheets
My desire for you burns
And I long to meet (you)

chorus


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Re: Not Me - demo of a work in progress
Reply #1 on: May 23, 2019, 13:15:10
It does have a cool dark feel to it.....I like that. I don't know if you should speed it up....if you do, not too much or you'll lose that meaningful darkness.

Your singing is really very good. Folks like us need to remember to sing within our limits and let our character come through. You really do that in this demo. Listen to the "Oohooo" parts.......you hold those notes just right, staying within them and within the feeling behind them.
"The main thing is to have a gutsy approach....but use your head." Julia Child

 "In a world of robotic conformity, the only originality left in music is the imperfections" Eric Craptone

"Special thanks to Steve Gleason for making me who I am today." Leonard Scaper

Lenny's Tunes: http://www.soundclick.com/bands/page_music.cfm?bandID=540680

https://soundcloud.com/vincentgleason


Re: Not Me - demo of a work in progress
Reply #2 on: May 23, 2019, 20:14:05
This song has a lot of strength and decision

Good job  ::thumb::


Re: Not Me - demo of a work in progress
Reply #3 on: May 23, 2019, 20:43:57
@Jurgen  No need to speed up- I like the moodiness the repetition adds too. I could hear a stripped down beginning and drums/rhythm kicking in on the  first oohoo~s ( which are great!).
If your live performance uses tension/release in scheduling songs, to my ears this would work well as a lower intensity song... maybe that depends on how heavy the solo will be ;D
Good song and excellent vocals.

Robert


Re: Not Me - demo of a work in progress
Reply #4 on: May 23, 2019, 23:56:36
Hi @Jurgen

Nice to meet you.
It's true, your song is dark, everything that describes an obsession is usually like that. Your way of singing is natural, as would the character who looks behind the window at night while playing the guitar.
However, maybe it's a problem with my speakers, I think the guitar might sound less sharp and with a little less volume, but do not pay much attention to me, it's my perception.
I did not know that to live I had to die so many times
My Youtube channel:
https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCAaK7mFK7fUpf1E99I1Qtow
My Vimeo Songs of Thought channel:
https://vimeo.com/channels/moraamarolaloba
My Vimeo Downtempo channel:
https://vimeo.com/channels/moramarolalobadowntempo


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Re: Not Me - demo of a work in progress
Reply #5 on: May 24, 2019, 00:39:11
Thanks for your comment on my singing @Leonard Scaper and yes, you're right. The key is sticking to our limits. With practice maybe I can stretch those limits a little  :)

I like your suggestions @robertkc - I like the idea of a song building and maybe stripping back again. Especially live as it will hopefully hold people's attention. I'd love to play a big solo on this one - I was actually thinking of having my other guitarist play a clarinet solo as well. I just discovered he can play clarinet and he's keen to try it on some songs.

Thanks @Marcus Nalgaber!

Good to meet you as well @Mora Amaro La Loba - I do think the way I try and write and the melody I try and sing is a combination of the words and my vocal range. This one felt like it needed to be dark.

I recorded this with a tascam DR-40 - just sitting next to the amp and a NT1 plugged into the TASCAM - all live one take and no mixing etc. so I think you're right re: volumes.

I'm actually really keen to record live and get back to some lo-fi - but that's for another discussions!

cheers


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Re: Not Me - demo of a work in progress
Reply #6 on: May 25, 2019, 19:06:35
Captivating song @Jurgen - I would let the drummer decide which tempo it could be and try out different speeds. It has a cool Bruce Spinrgsteen Nebraska feel.
The line
"I follow a few steps behind
You don't know I exist"
might get a better flow with a small change.
recommending https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/How_Music_Works "How music works", book by David Byrne.


Re: Not Me - demo of a work in progress
Reply #7 on: May 27, 2019, 02:02:20
Hi @Jurgen I can imagine this as a full band rock tune, great melodies with the vocals mate. 


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Re: Not Me - demo of a work in progress
Reply #8 on: May 27, 2019, 03:52:11
Yes I agree @oorlab re the tempo and letting drummer decide tempo.

I haven't played this song to the band yet but we usually play around with tempo and it's good to get their input.

re: your suggestion on flow for those words - yes I don't start that very well in this demo. Will work on that - thanks.

Thanks @realkevm - appreciate your comments. I like the stripped back feel of this but I think it could work as a stripped back intro and then let it build up as the band kicks.

Will be fun to work this one out with the drummer and other guitarist (we don't play with a bass right now).

cheers!



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