• Number One (1st demo)
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Number One (1st demo)
on: November 26, 2018, 16:33:32
Hello! I wrote the music to this a couple of days ago and in this past hour put some lyrics together. This is very much a first demo so please excuse the odd bum note. I'm recovering from a cold too so the vocals aren't great either (not that they ever are). I'm asking for feedback and guidance, the song is in it's early stages. The melody isn't fully formed and i'm sure the lyrics could do with tweaking, Is it too corny? The chords are G, Em. Am. D throughout (capo 5) lyrics below https://soundcloud.com/realkevm2/number-one-demo/s-bqYh5

Lyrics

Chorus

Which boy you gonna take home?
Who's heart are you gonna break?
Will you leave all alone
Stop making the same mistake

1st Verse

Been a while since i've been out
Didn't see you but i heard you shout
Across the street down to your friends
Saying things that the devil sends
It's that dark I can't see you at all
Do you even see me when I fall
When the club played out favourite song
Like Tinchy said you'e my number one

Chorus

2nd verse

Remember we'd park out in my car
Talk and smoke til it got dark
And how you'd make us laugh
Banging on about my autograph
That bus has long gone home
and we dont go to that disco
I'm back out in the street
LIke I never skipped a beat





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Re: Number One (1st demo)
Reply #1 on: November 26, 2018, 17:28:55
I think you have a pretty good start on this one. That's a pretty strong chorus and I think you should definitely repeat it a few times as you are doing.  I actually like how you start with it like that.....as they say, "don't bore us......." . Also like that you end with it.

The lyrics are good as well......telling a good story that keeps tying back into the chorus.

This is a good one for sure.
"The main thing is to have a gutsy approach....but use your head." Julia Child

 "In a world of robotic conformity, the only originality left in music is the imperfections" Eric Craptone

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Re: Number One (1st demo)
Reply #2 on: November 27, 2018, 02:23:02
« Last Edit: November 27, 2018, 02:51:55 by Bill from November Sound »
Hey @realkevm  I think you are right on track with this.  :)

May I help you with the notes of the chorus? I really like this and I really want to make sure you solidify these notes.  :ok:

[ edit ---- I typed out all the notes while at the piano ---- but I don't want to be annoying --- let me know if you want me to share them...... :)...  ]
Bill
Songwriter, Keyboards, Arranger, Producer & Engineer for November Sound

November Sound is based on the Mother, Father & Son musical trio of Melissa, Bill & Will. I'm the father so anything I post will have my wife singing and/or my son playing percussion.


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Re: Number One (1st demo)
Reply #3 on: November 27, 2018, 03:54:45
I think this is a great start, a little tweeking here and there in the lyric, and
that chord progression is pretty common, I use it a bit. I use C, Am, F , G  too.
so I`m good with the chords. sometimes the capo is a must, sometimes its handy..Lane


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Re: Number One (1st demo)
Reply #4 on: November 28, 2018, 10:58:27
@Leonard Scaper thanks for the kind words Sir. It does have a strong chorus doesn't it? I thought i'd try a departure from my usual arrangement and I think it works well.

@Bill from November Sound Bill your help would be awesome! I struggle with melody quite a bit so any help from you would be really appreciated, thank you :)

@Lane Hi Lane, it is a nice chord progression isn't it? Yeah a capo is a must for me lol


Re: Number One (1st demo)
Reply #5 on: November 28, 2018, 18:49:08
@realkevm  I like the story and  rock`nroll energy of this demo.Good idea to kick it off with the chorus. Interested to follow where you take this.

Robert


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Re: Number One (1st demo)
Reply #6 on: November 28, 2018, 19:20:12
@Leonard Scaper thanks for the kind words Sir. It does have a strong chorus doesn't it? I thought i'd try a departure from my usual arrangement and I think it works well.

@Bill from November Sound Bill your help would be awesome! I struggle with melody quite a bit so any help from you would be really appreciated, thank you :)

@Lane Hi Lane, it is a nice chord progression isn't it? Yeah a capo is a must for me lol

@realkevm , yes I think so..I`m telling you others do to. I could make a list of all the songs that use those chords?
and the list would take up two pages, maybe more, everything from rock to country, to Chrismas songs....lol
so I`m in too, when you get this all finished, let me know I`d like to hear it.    Lane


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Re: Number One (1st demo)
Reply #7 on: November 30, 2018, 19:16:56
@realkevm  I like the story and  rock`nroll energy of this demo.Good idea to kick it off with the chorus. Interested to follow where you take this.

Robert
Thanks matey!


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Re: Number One (1st demo)
Reply #8 on: November 30, 2018, 19:18:29
@Leonard Scaper thanks for the kind words Sir. It does have a strong chorus doesn't it? I thought i'd try a departure from my usual arrangement and I think it works well.

@Bill from November Sound Bill your help would be awesome! I struggle with melody quite a bit so any help from you would be really appreciated, thank you :)

@Lane Hi Lane, it is a nice chord progression isn't it? Yeah a capo is a must for me lol

Hi Lane, I will do. Yeah a lot of songs use this chord structure including Wham! Last Christmas ;)

@realkevm , yes I think so..I`m telling you others do to. I could make a list of all the songs that use those chords?
and the list would take up two pages, maybe more, everything from rock to country, to Chrismas songs....lol
so I`m in too, when you get this all finished, let me know I`d like to hear it.    Lane


Re: Number One (1st demo)
Reply #9 on: December 01, 2018, 00:31:29
Hey @realkevm  I'm sitting at the piano here . right now as I type this . but I don't know guitar language so well..... capo 5th and all that @Leonard Scaper @MrBouzouki  .. somebody help?

Alright in piano language it is in the key of C:  C Am  Dm G

notes:  E           D       C       A       C      E    G       E
words: Which  Boy   You   Gonna      Ta -ke     Ho....me?
notes:  C            B         A     A   B    C   A
words: Whose  heart are you gonna break?

here maybe try -

notes:   D     D    D   C     D    E  D
words: Will you le-ave  all   a- lo...ne?
notes:    B      A    G       A      B         D    B
words: Stop ma-king  the  same   mis-ta....ke



So, anyway, @realkevm I'm not trying to change your song. What you have works. But this a situation where I like what you're doing and I want to help you perfect it. ( If you don't like this advice tell me and I'll shut up.   ;))

You got the ideas, you got the performance skills, you got the relatable real world stories, you got real world chord progressions, you got a cool alternative sound you need a strong melody here. The one that I'm suggesting is basically what you are doing with slight, slight changes.

You go up a little higher at first. Then in the second line you go below it. In the third line you go back up. In the fourth line you go back down .. these notes all match the chords and to me gives it a little bit of a more substantial melody. again I could be wrong.   

I don't know if one of our friends can put this in tab language or something if that would help. If you try singing these notes I think you might like it. Maybe I'll make a quick video or something.


Re: Number One (1st demo)
Reply #10 on: December 01, 2018, 00:58:23
Hey @realkevm  I made a rough vid with the melody notes I'm suggesting.
Obviously in real life you'd sing it with swag. I mean, that's what you do.  :D 

Try singing these notes. I believe it is very close to what you are singing anyway and I'm definitely not trying to change your song. What do you think?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BWk-qXJdfCY&feature=youtu.be


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Re: Number One (1st demo)
Reply #11 on: December 01, 2018, 10:11:55
Hi Bill, it won't let me view the video :( I don't know whether it's a privacy setting on your end or not. I am really really grateful and humbled you've taken an interest and helping me with his, I really do lack skills in composing a melody. I'm going to try what you've come up with, i'm not big into music theory but I think I get what you are saying. I'll post an updated version of the song when I can. I do really appreciate your advice and the interest you take in my music :)


Re: Number One (1st demo)
Reply #12 on: December 01, 2018, 17:30:19

Sorry @realkevm   ... here this should work:


Again you don't need to do it this way. I don't think you "lack melody skills" at all. You probably need to just be more intentional with it. *
If you like the sequence of pitches you can move the capo to get it to best match your vocal range. (I'm not sure if that G is pushing it...)

* I'm the same way with key and tempo ... I'll get something all recorded and everything and then realize it is completely in the wrong key, just way too fast or way too slow. I just need to be more careful and intentional with that before I get all the tracks started.

Heck, I wish I could do what you do. I'd never be able to sing solo out in public like that.



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Re: Number One (1st demo)
Reply #13 on: December 03, 2018, 17:29:15
Hi Bill, thank you so much for this! It's really helped me to form a melody and helping with my pitch, I can't thank you you enough for your help and the interest you've taken in my music :)



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