• Regrounding Interstellar Traveller
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Regrounding Interstellar Traveller
on: June 14, 2019, 10:58:41
Hi there
https://soundcloud.com/oorlab/regrounding-interstellar-traveller - is my entrance for a 'challenge' on facebook - https://www.facebook.com/events/462068717875796/

Quote
June Challenge, music to greet aliens.
This is your chance to make a first impression to alien visitors? What is your track going say about us?

My lyrics below. I am happy to take pointers, suggestions, tips, even to make this a collaborative effort if someone is interested.
Cheers
You came through empty space
you searched the endless void
to find another race,
to seek out the humanoids.

Well are you taking care
for peace and harmony?
Or should we beware
for an extraterrestrial enemy?

Seven steps to contact;
Sagan could be right:
Interstellar travellers
don't have a need to fight.

You have some CO2,
We have more than enough.
But leave our H20
or else we have to play it rough...

I guess we're not alone,
In this big universe.
Like Stephen Hawking said,
Could be Columbus in reverse

And if you catch our sight
in the waves of light.
Feel free to feel at home,
but don't crush our habitable zone
recommending https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/How_Music_Works "How music works", book by David Byrne.


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Re: Regrounding Interstellar Traveller
Reply #1 on: June 14, 2019, 11:17:43
« Last Edit: June 14, 2019, 16:11:55 by DonMar »
I'm a huge fan of sci-fi themes, @oorlab:) Such pretty music & melody and appealing vocals.

I've made a couple of suggestions below, just to pull the English into line.

By the way, I note the welcoming-while-threatening message in the greeting. We humanoids never learn, do we? :D
 
I hope the suggestions are useful, but keep or sweep. (I've maintained the metering in the lines.)

Donna


 
Hi there
https://soundcloud.com/oorlab/regrounding-interstellar-traveller - is my entrance for a 'challenge' on facebook - https://www.facebook.com/events/462068717875796/

Quote
June Challenge, music to greet aliens.
This is your chance to make a first impression to alien visitors? What is your track going say about us?

My lyrics below. I am happy to take pointers, suggestions, tips, even to make this a collaborative effort if someone is interested.
Cheers
You came through empty space   Maybe 'You came light years through space'.
you searched the endless void
to find another race,
to seek out the humanoids.

Well are you taking care   Maybe 'Well are you bearing gifts/of peace and harmony'. 'The term 'taking care for' is very Dutch.  ;)
for peace and harmony?
Or should we beware
Of an extraterrestrial enemy?

Seven steps to contact;
Sagan could be right:
Interstellar travellers
don't have a need to fight.

You have some CO2,
We have more than enough.
But leave our H20
or else we have to play it rough... A little stronger maybe 'Or we may need to play it rough'.

I guess we're not alone,
In this big universe.
Like Stephen Hawking said,
Could be Columbus in reverse

And if you catch our sight This doesn't work for 'catch sight of us'. Suggest simply something like 'If we come into sight' OR  'If we should catch your eye'.
in the waves of light.
Feel free to feel at home,  Avoid 2 x 'feel'. Maybe try 'Please make yourselves at home'.
but don't crush our habitable zone
Honour the earth. Without It, we'd be nowhere. - D.D.


Re: Regrounding Interstellar Traveller
Reply #2 on: June 14, 2019, 15:21:58
@oorlab

Un trabajo muy fino y muy elegante
La base musical me gusta mucho por lo etérea y también psicodélica
Las voces quizás son lo que más me gusta
En definitiva me parece un buenísimo trabajo
Muchas felicidades  ::thumb:: ::thumb:: ::thumb::


Re: Regrounding Interstellar Traveller
Reply #3 on: June 14, 2019, 21:03:42
@oorlab A fun song idea to which you bring wit and some quirky, appropriately spacey music.
The vocals and background vocals are good ( maybe the melodic twist on "harmony-y" is a bit awkward, but that`s nitpicking).
The ending with some different language works for me.
Good luck on the comp!

Robert


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Re: Regrounding Interstellar Traveller
Reply #4 on: June 14, 2019, 23:25:06
@robertkc  - cheers! Will listen to the melodic part at "harmony" - and when I take on @DonMar   helpful lyrical suggestions (veel dank!) - I will try to avoid akward melodic twists)
@Marcus Nalgaber  Muchas gracias por sus amables comentarios. Me divertí mucho armando esto y pensando en lo que podría ser el mensaje cuando lleguen extraterrestres a nuestro planeta. Puede ser que alguien quisiera hacer una versión en español.


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Re: Regrounding Interstellar Traveller
Reply #5 on: June 15, 2019, 01:11:52
Hi @oorlab

Your voice sounds great on this. And the vocals together with the melody gives (to me) a 70s feel which I really like.

For me, the bass is too loud in the mix and steps on the vocals at some points.

The keys that come in with that motif is very strong and I like how it's quiet in the mix but keeps repeating which means you start to listen out for it. Well I did anyway!

Very nice track mate

cheers


Re: Regrounding Interstellar Traveller
Reply #6 on: June 15, 2019, 12:31:36
 I love the atmosphere of the intro, the lyrics, the story, the message, the song, the voices ... I hope so too to be it, in terms of peace.
Ah! Your style this time takes me to Steely Dan! Very nice. The mix is OK, at least for my taste @oorlab  Very easy to listen to  ::thumb::
I did not know that to live I had to die so many times
My Youtube channel:
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Re: Regrounding Interstellar Traveller
Reply #7 on: June 15, 2019, 16:29:07
Cheers @Mora Amaro La Loba  & @Jurgen  - will lower the bass a bit, and keep the Steely Dan vibe.


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Re: Regrounding Interstellar Traveller
Reply #8 on: June 15, 2019, 18:32:22
hi @oorlab ...nocomments from me, except for...that your song for the challenge sounds great to me

the mix too, i love it  ::headphone:: ::headphone:: ::headphone::
me, myself, and Pie


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Re: Regrounding Interstellar Traveller
Reply #9 on: June 17, 2019, 12:00:18
Superb. I think you could expand on the theme n at least get an ep out of it.
A really pleasurable listen and thoughtful.
Really articulate.
Well done. 


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Re: Regrounding Interstellar Traveller
Reply #10 on: June 17, 2019, 21:01:41
You could try EQ..ing the bass and leaving the volume the same. Chuck away the low lows so to speak ;-)

It sounds on my setup like there is a lively bottom-end but I feel with a sparse mix like this you want to keep the bass line doing melodic things and fairly upfront.

They could leave our H20 but remove the plastic if they want. All those complex hydrocarbons they can recycle.   ;-)

I like the space you have left for the lyrics.

As a science geek I think it's great you name-checked Sagan and Hawking in the same lyric.

Good Job

 ::OSMAN:: ::OSMAN:: ::OSMAN::




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Re: Regrounding Interstellar Traveller
Reply #11 on: June 18, 2019, 13:05:05
I'm also, sort of, a fan of fictional lyrics and the storytelling in this very nice @oorlab

There's not much that hasn't been said already, but on a personal note I find the mix tasteful and well balanced. I have no problem with the base being a little louder, it all depends on which gear you listen with and in my headphones at work (which are analytical) it all sounded warm and mellow.

Great one!  :dance:

 ::Rachel::
/Micke

Layerson (a.k.a. Mikael Lagersson)



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