• Rescue Me (work in progress,)
  • Started by realkevm
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Rescue Me (work in progress,)
on: June 05, 2018, 10:23:59
Hello! This is a new song i'm currently writing, I would really appreciate it if anyone would take the time to have a listen and offer any pointers. I'm pretty happy with the lyrics i'm after some help on the phrasing for the verses to help it stand out and have some emotion and where to go between the chorus back into the verse. And anything else :)

Lyrics

In the room
I fall apart
Hear that boom
That's my heart

In this town
There's no waves
Hear my sound
Time for change

Chorus
When you're falling from the sky
Take my hand
We'll learn to fly
When i'm drowning lost at sea
Take your hand
and rescue me

2nd verse
When it's dark
On your knees
There's a spark
Here's a dream

When the trust
You've ever known
Turns to dust
It's time to go

Chorus

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GOaz2l5iaus&feature=youtu.be


Re: Rescue Me (work in progress,)
Reply #1 on: June 05, 2018, 11:07:50
I like this. I really like the unique quality of your voice and the way you put your words together.

I think you need to work on the delivery of the chorus until you get the flow right. Maybe slow down the playing to let your vocals performance find that sweet spot. I wouldn't change anything as I think that chorus is VERY strong.
"The main thing is to have a gutsy approach....but use your head." Julia Child

 "In a world of robotic conformity, the only originality left in music is the imperfections" Eric Craptone

"Special thanks to Steve Gleason for making me who I am today." Leonard Scaper

Lenny's Tunes: http://www.soundclick.com/bands/page_music.cfm?bandID=540680

https://soundcloud.com/vincentgleason


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Re: Rescue Me (work in progress,)
Reply #2 on: June 07, 2018, 10:10:54
Thank you kind sir.
It's still in its early stages and i've taken your advice on board, the chorus is remaining slow now until the final chorus before the end (sounds a lot better not just slower for the first two chorus's but the last chorus being faster and more emotional adds a great dynamic).
I've also swapped around some of the lyrics in the second verse to make more sense.
Without sounding conceited I do think i've got a special song here so i'm taking my time with this one and aiming to get it as perfect as possible.
Your guidance has been invaluable thank you so much :)


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Re: Rescue Me (work in progress,)
Reply #3 on: June 07, 2018, 13:21:09
Hi, yes it is a good chorus and you are delivering the vocals, especially there with some emotion. If anything I would just try to sharpen up the timing of your guitar playing which is a little loose in places. Good effort though!  ;)
If you like novels with a musical theme, why not try 'Sixth Beatle - When Music Changed The World', easily found on Amazon and Google. It is amazing, although as the author I may be biased!


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Re: Rescue Me (work in progress,)
Reply #4 on: June 10, 2018, 23:12:33
Hi, yes it is a good chorus and you are delivering the vocals, especially there with some emotion. If anything I would just try to sharpen up the timing of your guitar playing which is a little loose in places. Good effort though!  ;)
Cheers Mike, really appreciate it.



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