• Shipwrecked
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  • Wicked Deeds



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Shipwrecked
on: September 16, 2013, 14:41:08
« Last Edit: October 10, 2013, 18:50:28 by Wicked Deeds »
Well, I might as well kick this thing off.  This was written yesterday.  I can't access my recording equipment, so lyrics seem like a good place to start. I'll try to make an ipad recording sometime this week - basic guitar and vocal. 

Questions:

does emotion come across in the lyrics?
Is it too cryptic?
Do the references to the sea make it more interesting?

By the way, Charles Amis is my grandfather who died just  before I was born.

Finally - please enjoy ?

Rough ipad recording:  https://soundcloud.com/wicked-deeds/2013-09-16-02-18


Produced version:  https://soundcloud.com/wicked-deeds/shipwrecked-master-nooms
Shipwrecked

I didn't think  my heart would ever break again
though once before, it faltered!
I thought that we would sail around the jagged coast.
Our seascape changed, our focus altered.

Observe the shipwreck. Once there were oceans before us.

The north wind caught our sails, delivered us with speed,
storm  clouds hid their thunder.
Through eyes of coral blue the sunset warmed the skies,
filled our our hearts with wonder.

Observe the shipwreck.  Once there were oceans before us.

Safety never lives at sea - 
pity me.
Do mermaids ever sing of love
And do doves bring peace,
Charles Amis?

Observe the shipwreck. Once there were oceans before us.
I watched the gulls fly for cover. 
My crest fallen lover has gone!

Written by Paul Vasey 15th September 2013


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Re: Shipwrecked
Reply #1 on: September 16, 2013, 17:53:44
Mr Wicked Deeds  ;D

I googled Charles Amis but now understand why it provided no further clues - your Grandfather has a very grand name  ;D

There is emotion in abundance in the lyric - very vivid the contrast between the oceans ahead to explore where the shipwreck now belongs

I like the references to the sea - I like having a theme running through lyrics - the sea is one of my favourites and I reference it a lot - it's also cryptic but not too much.

I know you will have considered this but it will be interesting to hear the melody to this as its looks like it will be very difficult - but I have faith you will pull it off  ;D


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Re: Shipwrecked
Reply #2 on: September 16, 2013, 21:01:02
Thanks Andy,

Yes, my Grandfather had quite a beautiful name - wish I had the opportunity to meet him.  My Mam dotes on him though he passed away 47 years ago. Despite suffering  Alheimer's, my Mam talks about him all the time. 

I completed a very basic recording on my ipad. I love  the melody so much.  It's all very simple but loaded with emotion (I think).  I'm going to record it gain but I might be tempted to upload my first take (I was still inventing the m8 melody as I recorded it). Strangely, I thought that the flow of the lyrics was questionable but it flows beautifully when performed - so much so that I don't need to change the lyrics at all, though I might change the m8 melody a little.  Look out for the my very rough ipad recording - the first time that I've posted such a rough version of any of my songs.  :)


Re: Shipwrecked
Reply #3 on: September 17, 2013, 01:02:08
Hey Paul,

It's quite an unusual set of lyrics, from my viewpoint, unconventional compared to my short line, rigid structure way of writing, it's quite artistic. The extended metaphor of the ocean running right through the song is clever, a quick read may not be enough to grasp the meaning but on closer inspection it's about a lot more than the title suggests (please tell me its about lost love or I'll feel quite stupid  :-\ ) The chorus line 'once there were oceans before us' is quite mournful, suggesting the end of a lifetimes journey. I really want to hear that recording, I'm keen to see if you've approached in that melancholic way or have leaned more towards the storm, jagged rocks, thunder crashy bashy angle.. If that makes sense.

I want to put more effort into my reviews on here as I feel quite honoured to be invited, I want also be careful not to simply say 'great write, post a sc link later' like I have done in the past. I really do appreciate you guys including me here and I'll try to be as constructive and supportive as I can.

Back to the song though..

great write, post a link :D ;D


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Re: Shipwrecked
Reply #4 on: September 17, 2013, 09:07:30
Hi hab,

Yes, 'Shipwrecked' is about a lifetime's journey - the end of a marriage and a relationship that lasted twenty six years.  It's about looking back on the magnificent journey that was once ahead  "Once there were oceans before us" and a realisation that  a shipwreck now lies broken in the sand.

I've posted a very rough recording of 'Shipwrecked'.  I hope that you guys enjoy listening.  It breaks  my heart just to listen!

https://soundcloud.com/wicked-deeds/2013-09-16-02-18


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Re: Shipwrecked
Reply #5 on: September 17, 2013, 10:24:11
I have had a few listens Paul and I think this is absolutely brilliant.

You know its been so long since I have heard a bare bones song from you - the way you deliver the lines broke my heart as well - almost like a whisper.

Now I know you will take this the right way but sometimes your productions are so perfect , so clinically perfect and you use the single notes on the piano - the challenge for you here would be to retain that intimacy if you produce it - I wouldn't use piano at all - a single violin would be ace.

I really cant tell you how much I loved this just as it is though - very , very beautiful.


Re: Shipwrecked
Reply #6 on: September 17, 2013, 13:02:08
I gotta say Paul, that's stunning, really beautiful. Really sad poignant melody, really really good.

I'm going to echo Kaf here but I agree, I've not heard a lot of your other work but I do always find it to be 'perfect' musically. I really think the raw emotion of this bare bones version needs to be retained if possible. If it were me I'd retain that guitar. Maybe add a cello, they can sound quite mournful. Check out a song called 'we haven't turned around' by Gomez to see what I'm thinking.

John


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Re: Shipwrecked
Reply #7 on: September 18, 2013, 00:01:10
Love this line "Through eyes of coral blue the sunset warmed the skies"

As an ex sailor I am a bit biased, as I love songs that include nautical references.  I didnt find it too cryptic but certainly full of emotion, helped by the vocal and music of course.
I realise its just a quick mock up, so look forward to hearing a more complex production.
Allan.
Part time musician, photographer, astronomer, computer pragramer and husband.


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Re: Shipwrecked
Reply #8 on: September 23, 2013, 18:42:31
i think the melody is very warm and romantic, i love it
even though it is about a very bad situation, you don't sound full of anger or feelings of revenge or whatever

you sound full of love still

it is beautiful!

hope i can give more useful feedback later...

me, myself, and Pie


Re: Shipwrecked
Reply #9 on: September 23, 2013, 19:29:51


  Hi Paul,

  Difficult to know where to go with this.  For something so soft and gentle it has great power.  It demands attention and silence from the beginning.
  You have to listen ;D ;D  The emotion is overwhelming......be careful with changes.  I think you need to keep the very intimate feel to this beauty ;D ;D

  Loved it Paul



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Re: Shipwrecked
Reply #10 on: September 24, 2013, 18:19:50
Thanks Bin,  :)

This song seemed to arrive with very little effort, almost like it was waiting to be be collected or plucked from the air.  It stops me in my tracks every time I listen to it.  I was jamming along to my initial recording and ideas for guitar presented themselves very quickly - I've got a fair idea of how it should develop and would love to produce this sooner rather than later.  I'm still still shell-shocked by events that inspired this song.  Having to rediscover myself all over again (which is good) but feel like a huge part of me is missing.

Thanks again buddy!  :)


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Re: Shipwrecked
Reply #11 on: September 24, 2013, 18:41:44
One of my favs - so beautiful  :)


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Re: Shipwrecked
Reply #12 on: September 24, 2013, 23:13:34
« Last Edit: September 24, 2013, 23:27:43 by fischermans »
I agree with the others.A fantastic song.I?m locking forward for a new version.Are you going to add some other instruments?
I think something like this would be cool.
https://soundcloud.com/a-fisch-1/wicked-deeds
I love this song.
Alexander


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Re: Shipwrecked
Reply #13 on: September 26, 2013, 21:37:16
Thank you so much Alexander.  I very much enjoyed listening to the new idea that you presented.   Karma point for you my friend!  :)


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Re: Shipwrecked
Reply #14 on: September 26, 2013, 21:58:25
No problem it was funny for me.Thanks for that KarmaPoint. Can?t get enough of them. ;D