• storm in the desert
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  • Neil C
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storm in the desert
on: September 22, 2013, 15:18:58
Just got back from France to posit a co-write to some powerful lyrics of Kevin B's. Going to put it in both forum's...
https://soundcloud.com/neilconnor-2/storm-in-the-desert-demo
I've tried to match them with a more moody tune and arrangement, although Kevin wasn't sure and thought something was missing although for the life of me I'm not sure what more I could add apart from the kitchen sink.
I look forward to your feedback and suggestions and will try to get round reviewing others in the style that Andy suggested over the next few days. Time will be a lot tighter as I start my new job tomorrow!
:)
Neil


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Re: storm in the desert
Reply #1 on: September 22, 2013, 20:08:48
« Last Edit: September 22, 2013, 20:11:01 by Wicked Deeds »
Hiya Neil,

I'll be honest and say straight up the lyrics don't appeal to me at all(that's just my preference of course - more to do with the subject matter).  Having said that the music is sensational - guitars especially, are wonderful. The musicianship throughout, including the vocal is excellent.

Musically, it was a great listen for me!

Paul


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Re: storm in the desert
Reply #2 on: September 23, 2013, 17:51:17
Hiya Neil, not wishing to be rude about the lyrics, I thought I'd revisit this song to look at them a little closer.  The first couplet has a strong rhythm.  This is heightened by the exact matching of syllables for lines 1 and 2. I admire that kind of attention to detail and it's something that I often strive for, unless another idea presents itself during the writing phase and I feel compelled to follow that course. I'd encourage that kind of symmetry throughout, each time that you use that particular melody.  The message delivered in verse 1 is clear an unambiguous. Verse 2 invites the listener to consider what the 'daily struggle' might be. This is a good writing technique. The focus of the song becomes this internal battle of thoughts.  Perhaps I would have enjoyed the lyrics more if you had provided a little insight re what it is that causes such inner turmoil.  It could be however that listeners might enjoy not knowing the cause of inner turmoil.  My apologies for not reading the lyrics more closely - I do tend to stay clear from war related songs.  Having said that I couldn't overlook the brilliance of 'The Grave' a Don McLean song from the album American Pie.  I suppose he'd already won me over with the other songs on that album.  Once again, the instrumentation, vocal and overall production, is excellent.   :)
Paul


Re: storm in the desert
Reply #3 on: September 23, 2013, 18:43:06


  HI neil,

  Excellent piece of songwriting, as usual.  ;D ;D  Really liked your lead work, and a nice arrangement.  Especially liked the intro.  Thought the 'military'
  style drum beat worked well.
  The only obvious change I'd make (if it were mine ;D) would be to change the reference to 'The Taliban' in the lyrics......I think it's too specific, and isn't
  necessary.....just sounds a bit awkward to my ears, and stuck out as something that doesn't quite work.  Maybe something like 'killing each other'
  rather than 'the terror of the Taliban'

  Always admire your work Neil...Good stuff ;D ;D





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Re: storm in the desert
Reply #4 on: September 23, 2013, 19:04:53
wow, that is impressive, the music and choice of instruments is great, the chorus is amazing


now that is a chorus, where i think (my opinion) you would like to have multiple backing vocals to make it BIG

also the Laaa, laaalaaa part

and the verse your vocal alone.....

if you want i can ask Mrs. DB to deliver you a wav track of extra vocal......but perhaps you don't like her voice....but what i am trying to say this chorus could have this more multiple background singers to make it big, perhaps male vocals to make it like a platoon singing along

just my thoughts (and yes, i know women are also in the millitary nowadays, so forget my remark about the male vocals  ;D ;D ;D)

i love this song!!!!!

me, myself, and Pie


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Re: storm in the desert
Reply #5 on: September 25, 2013, 06:48:22
This is classy songwriting Neil.  I cant criticize anything in this. Very powerful arrangement and that drum is sensational. Love the whistle, not so keen on the lal la la's.  Guitar playing is your usual high standard, man you can play. I wish you lived in Rotorua, New Zealand I'd crawl over broken glass to play live with you doing lead guitar.

Allan.
Part time musician, photographer, astronomer, computer pragramer and husband.


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Re: storm in the desert
Reply #6 on: September 25, 2013, 07:11:42
« Last Edit: September 25, 2013, 10:55:43 by fischermans »
Hello Neil
Great piece of songwriting.Like the lyrics and especially the guitar work.Really great. Only three things I would change.First one is to replace the lalala?s in a harmonica or something else what sounds a bit more harsh then your lalala?s. Also I go with Binladeda for the Taliban sentence. And the third thing is how you accent the lyrics.I would do the accent per sentence at different words than you, to refer more the content of the lyrics.
Still a mega good song for me.
Alexander


Re: storm in the desert
Reply #7 on: September 25, 2013, 11:53:09
Neil C!

got to say I really enjoyed this one ;D I have listened a few times now and have tried to come up with something constructive but I cant really  ??? other than the Taliban reference which detracted a little from what could have been a more universal war experience

In terms of arrangement, production , composition I think this is absolutely first class - You are a great all round musician  ;D   


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Re: storm in the desert
Reply #8 on: September 26, 2013, 02:05:26
hi kev and neil,
terrific song and arrangmnt , smouldering track
i like the character of your vocal, got your own tone, natural and unforced though sounds a little awkward on a coupla lines..and if you sang it with 'gusto' it might go all melodramatic..i think you got it paced right .
touch of brothers in arms about it, you deliver the vocal a little like yer man knopler.,  understated
agree about the taliban thing,
kevin, you could perhaps allude to it maybe something like :,
'I?m standing in the desert, a line drawn in the sand
swarms of tiny stinging flies, bite like taliban..
 
its not quite so specific ..

whatever.. really great track guys



oh well..



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