• Sunflowers (Live Acoustic Demo)
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Sunflowers (Live Acoustic Demo)
on: March 13, 2019, 15:08:57
HI, this is a song I wrote about a year and a half ago it's the first song I wrote after deciding to write again after several years. It's fairly simple I guess (three chords throughout) i'd love to hear what you think of the song and specifically some feedback on the melody and how it could be improved (vocals are not my strong point as we all know lol)

Lyrics

The Sunflowers are dead

But you're still in my head

Your shoes are at the door

But you don't come here anymore

 

Chorus

You're skipping this town

Feet ain't touching the ground

Don't stop and look around

You're lost and you're found

 

Second verse

I packed up all my things

Took my hopes, my plans my dreams

I won't ever take your call

Won't go chasing waterfalls

 

The chorus changes each time from 'You're' to 'I'm' to finally 'we're' - I think I need a third verse for the final chorus starting 'We're skipping this town..' to make sense.



Re: Sunflowers (Live Acoustic Demo)
Reply #1 on: March 14, 2019, 21:45:00
Hi @realkevm ,

I think the song is coming along nicely. It has potential to be a really good one IMO.  :)

Your suggestion for a third verse might be sensible.

 Probably try to get the verse and chorus to flow together a little more seamlessly. Also, try to get confident on exact melody for each and every chorus note.

Sounding good! Video looks good as well.

-11 ::Note::
 
Bill
Songwriter, Keyboards, Arranger, Producer & Engineer for November Sound

November Sound is based on the Mother, Father & Son musical trio of Melissa, Bill & Will. I'm the father so anything I post will have my wife singing and/or my son playing percussion.


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Re: Sunflowers (Live Acoustic Demo)
Reply #2 on: March 14, 2019, 22:11:04
Cheers Bill, yeah the verse and chorus does sound a bit disjointed doesn't it?I think it;s because i'm going from the open picking to a barre chord. Thanks for the encouragement :)


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Re: Sunflowers (Live Acoustic Demo)
Reply #3 on: March 15, 2019, 13:42:20
I like this playing style for you.....not sure I have seen you picking like that. It definitely adds a different dynamic to your performance style.
"The main thing is to have a gutsy approach....but use your head." Julia Child

 "In a world of robotic conformity, the only originality left in music is the imperfections" Eric Craptone

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Re: Sunflowers (Live Acoustic Demo)
Reply #4 on: March 17, 2019, 08:42:14
I like this playing style for you.....not sure I have seen you picking like that. It definitely adds a different dynamic to your performance style.
Thanks man!


Re: Sunflowers (Live Acoustic Demo)
Reply #5 on: March 18, 2019, 19:19:01
Hello @realkevm !  Instead of a third verse, maybe a bridge? Also, first chorus, she's skipping this town, second chorus you're skipping this town. To me, the third chorus saying "we're" already makes sense, so maybe a bridge with something different to lead into the final chorus to add more to the story? Maybe a hint at why she doesnt come around? Or why you won't take her call? I like the chord progression, and rythm of the chorus, and you sing with great feeling!
Do what makes your heart sing :)


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Re: Sunflowers (Live Acoustic Demo)
Reply #6 on: March 18, 2019, 23:18:26
That's a good idea Kel, never even thought of adding a bridge instead or looked at it like that, cheers.


Re: Sunflowers (Live Acoustic Demo)
Reply #7 on: March 20, 2019, 14:27:01
Hi @realkevm

I like the lyrics, but I think your song needs something different after the chorus, maybe the melody has to go up in this part as if it had been launched from the chorus as an explosion of emotions... And then go back to the main melody of the story you tell and this you can get by leaving in libitum the last note of the new melody of the part after  the chorus that I have told you.
I hope you do not mind my suggestions, today I am very creative hahaha
I did not know that to live I had to die so many times
My Youtube channel:
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My Vimeo Songs of Thought channel:
https://vimeo.com/channels/moraamarolaloba
My Vimeo Downtempo channel:
https://vimeo.com/channels/moramarolalobadowntempo


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Re: Sunflowers (Live Acoustic Demo)
Reply #8 on: March 29, 2019, 23:06:53
Thanks Mora, some good advice.



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