Tears and wine (Сльози й вино) New song

Today and yesterday I worked on a new song. Here is the result. Do not feel depressed?
https://soundcloud.com/shat-iks/slozi-y-vino

On the street alone
I go to an empty house
Fog in my head
And words in it sounds

If you knew how І love you
If you knew in my heart that I had hidden
And you will not hear my recognition
Tears and wine - this time the last time

In the silence of the wallpaper
My time was dead
Your number has already been deleted
There is a revolver in the box

If you knew how I love you
If you knew in my heart that I hid
And you will not hear my recognition
Tears and wine - this time the last time

Nice song, man.  The structure is well done, the recording is smooth and balanced, and the instrumentation works well together. 

I do think the song is a bit long for how it is written.  5 minutes is a bit much for a sing that doesn't change dynamically very much.  I feel that the intro and instrumental interludes could be shortened somewhat to keep the tune flowing. 

I didn't care a ton for the horn/sax sounds either.  They were a little too synthy for me, but that is just a taste thing so its really not important.  Besides, I know exactly how hard it is to find a decent horn plugin lol. 

Really good work overall 

to Knate: Completely agree with you. To get a natural sound - it's really not easy).I think this is possible only in a live performance. At the moment this is only a sketch. Maybe here on the site  there are people wishing to perform this on live instruments. Thanks for the advice!)

Hi, I've noticed you post more songs on here than possibly anyone else.

I would like to bring this post from a moderator to your attention:

https://www.songwriter-forum-kitchen.com/forum/forum-newsupdates/17/giving-and-taking-in-our-kitchen-make-sure-to-copy/3825/msg41972;topicseen#msg41972

Very nice music ! 

Hi,
smooth song, but I would love to hear the brass placing some rhythmically jazzy cuts inbetween, to wake me up of that 5 Minute flow of bar Lounge feeling. Not bad at all, but funny you placed  rock at SC as the genre. Never mind. :-)
All parts are going so well together, but there is that longing left....
Very nice voice. Overall Sound top notch
XXXChrisXXX

You keep getting better at this @shatiks . While I do agree with @Chris Spruit a bit about the flow, I really enjoyed the listen. Just a bit more variety, maybe in that brass, would take this tune to the next level.

I hope you keep putting your material up here as you add a very interesting dimension to the menu here at The Kitchen.

@shatiks ...you know I'll play saxophone if you want! I've said this to you before. Your songs are too good for fake sax!!!!!

Hi @shatiks! I find your song a mix between an instrumental track and a song, it is a concept I drive too some times.... Perhaps the track is too long, perhaps not, each one has his choice but I find you can introduce some variety, why not? Like this you could highlight some parts...
The sax... Bill offered to you to play the saxophone, it would be great, the sound would be sure better.
Your slavic style is very romantic, soft, and easy to listen to.
Sorry if you dislike what I say, but the song is beautiful and could be better. Hasta otro día. Mora

guys - need your help! Please correct my english vers )

On empty street alone
I walking down to home
Inside my mind just mist
I've lost your name in list

If  only know you
What inside my heart is
If  only know you
What in heart I hided
But you don't know it
What my sad emotion
Tears and red vine
That my last commotion

The silence of the wall
it's kill the time and world
No need to hide and run
On shelf is my old gun...

If  only know you
What inside my heart is
If  only know you
What in heart I hided
But you don't know it
What my sad emotion
Tears and red vine
That my last commotion

On an empty street alone
I'm walking down to toward home
Inside my mind just mist
I've lost your name in from the list

If  only know you you could know
What is inside my heart is
If  only know you you could know
What in my heart I hided
But you don't know it
What my sad emotion
Tears and red vine wine
That my last commotion

The silence of the wall
it's kills the time and the world
No need to hide and run
On the shelf is my old gun...


see above
If  only know you
What inside my heart is
If  only know you
What in heart I hided
But you don't know it
What my sad emotion
Tears and red vine
That my last commo

 

Thanks Leonard! Everything is grammatically true! But then it's hard to sing a melody) the form of the verse collapses ) but I'll try to sing it!

New version in English and without saxophone 
https://soundcloud.com/yuriy-shatunski/tears-and-red-wine

On an empty street alone
I'm walking down to home
Inside my mind just mist
Your name is off the list

If only you knew
What is inside me
If only you knew
What I have hidden
But you don't know it
That's my sad emotion 
Tears and red wine
That's my last devotion

The silence of the wall
it kills the time and world
No need to hide and run
On the shelf is my old gun...

This really sounds good.....you did a fantastic job with these lyrics. They flow beautifully.

 

Don't worry @shatiks I can still record something for you. I've been getting home late recently and one thing about saxophone is you can't record tracks late at night while people are sleeping!