• The ghost of us (Ghost Song Challenge)
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The ghost of us (Ghost Song Challenge)
on: September 24, 2019, 20:51:15
« Last Edit: September 24, 2019, 21:46:52 by Rachel_D »
Hi kitcheners,

It's been a long while since my last song, and even more since my last challenge entry (!) It's good to be back to songwriting and to the kitchen :) ... Here is my take at the ghost-song challenge (refer to lyrics and link to the song below). I recorded some weird sounds in the background using random objects to get into the 'ghost' vibe. Let me know what you think :)

SOUNDCLOUD LINK: https://soundcloud.com/rachel_debattista/the-ghost-of-us-original-poem-song

The Ghost of Us

Turn away the empty pages,
turn away all you can get.
When the sides are compromised,
there's nothing more of it left.

Turn away the little dots
that paint my soul into its brightest hues.
If there's something that's more noble
is to learn when to refuse
and set loose...

The fire that is burning in my soul
We know that in the end we'll all be gone.
The reason that is lost amidst a sea
of rigid one-way tracks.

The ghost of us is hiding in the dark
of golden statues slowly set apart
The hollow chest of runes amidst distress

It seems there's no way back
from this one way track.

YOUTUBE LINK:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=edSIXbpvliE&feature=youtu.be
Rachel  ::Rachel::
https://.com/rachel_debattista


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Re: The ghost of us (Ghost Song Challenge)
Reply #1 on: September 24, 2019, 21:57:56
the singing melody is fantasic once again in my ears @Rachel_D
what a great chorus  ::headphone:: ::headphone:: ::headphone::

pretty singing melody... yes!!!!! ::thumb:: ::thumb:: ::thumb:: ::thumb:: ::thumb:: ::thumb::
me, myself, and Pie


Re: The ghost of us (Ghost Song Challenge)
Reply #2 on: September 24, 2019, 22:38:35
I like your poem song, even though it ended so quickly @Rachel_D  - that chorus needs repeating  :ok: :ok: Very nice doubled vocal and when you breakout from the reflective verse into the pop melody on the chorus...really good. I wanted to hear it again. :yes:

Robert


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Re: The ghost of us (Ghost Song Challenge)
Reply #3 on: September 25, 2019, 01:39:17
Hi @Rachel_D - really good to hear some new music from you!

This is great - the harmonies and melody are very strong.

The noises are bit weird at times - almost like a scratch in a record coming in when you don't expect (not on the beat).

Too short and I like songs to be short, but this is too short!  ;D

cheers


Re: The ghost of us (Ghost Song Challenge)
Reply #4 on: September 25, 2019, 02:04:50
@Rachel_D The song and especially your singing intonation reminds me a bit of Kate Bush. It's definitely very nice work. For some reason, it still feels a little rushed to me though, possibly because its ending is a little abrupt, and the atmosphere doesn't get enough time to develop. Your singing is fabulous though, as usual. The windy voice produces a nice and ghostly effect, and so does the ticking in the background.
Pleudoniem: composer; bass guitarist; guitarist; singer; drummer; tap-guitarist - o, and yes... erm- a bit of keys. Open for collabs.
SoundCloud Page: https://soundcloud.com/pleudoniem


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Re: The ghost of us (Ghost Song Challenge)
Reply #5 on: September 25, 2019, 13:24:23
Hey @Rachel_D ...I have missed your poem/songs. This one is perfect for the theme at hand with your vocal presentation really setting the tone of the song.

I know you like to keep them short and this one works for me in that format.......but one of these days we'll convince you to stretch one of your productions out to give us even more of your unique style to enjoy.
"The main thing is to have a gutsy approach....but use your head." Julia Child

 "In a world of robotic conformity, the only originality left in music is the imperfections" Eric Craptone

"Special thanks to Steve Gleason for making me who I am today." Leonard Scaper

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Re: The ghost of us (Ghost Song Challenge)
Reply #6 on: September 27, 2019, 19:20:45
« Last Edit: September 27, 2019, 19:24:57 by Mora Amaro La Loba »
Hi @Rachel_D

Wow!!!! I love your poetry, your style and your voice.

I liked a lot 
"The ghost of us is hiding in the dark
of golden statues slowly set apart
The hollow chest of runes amidst distress"

The same for the melody of this part "The fire that is burning in my soul...

It is possible that the song is short, I do not know, I liked it that way.

Big kisssssss!





I did not know that to live I had to die so many times
My Youtube channel:
https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCAaK7mFK7fUpf1E99I1Qtow
My Vimeo Songs of Thought channel:
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My Vimeo Downtempo channel:
https://vimeo.com/channels/moramarolalobadowntempo


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Re: The ghost of us (Ghost Song Challenge)
Reply #7 on: October 01, 2019, 03:25:59
The lyrics are well thought out. Nicely delivered. Keep it up!


Re: The ghost of us (Ghost Song Challenge)
Reply #8 on: October 01, 2019, 08:01:54
Hi @Rachel_D ,

Very happy to have you back in a kitchen challenge and your comeback entry certainly doesnt disappoint!

The excellent lyrics flow nicely and I love the notes you chose to emphasise no way back.

Good luck for this challenge, I look forward to hearing more from you over the coming months!

Dan



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Re: The ghost of us (Ghost Song Challenge)
Reply #9 on: October 08, 2019, 17:46:30
Hi Kitcheners,

Thank you so much for your very encouraging feedback I truly appreciate each and every one of your replies. I must say that you have inspired me to have a go at revising this song and creating an extended version of it as a post-kitchen challenge project! (or an end of year resolution haha). I got some ideas in my head for new lyrics and a melody for the bridge. Ill keep your feedback in mind in my revisions. Ill be sharing my ideas with you in the coming weeks :)

@Dutchbeat  Im very glad you liked the melody! Thank you!! :)

@robertkc  Im glad you liked the poem-song. Thanks for your feedback! :)

@Jurgen  Heyy! :) Thanks for your positive comments, Im glad you liked the harmonies + melody.

@Pleudoniem  thanks, I really appreciate your honest and detailed feedback :)

@Leonard Scaper  Hi! Thanks for being a longterm listener to my poem-songs! I always appreciate your feedback! I guess youve convinced me to stretch this one out :)

@Mora Amaro La Loba  I always love to read your comments. I like how you listen so closely to the lyrics! (I really like that particular part too!) Thanks for your words, they mean a lot! :)

@Neal Thank you so much! :)

@DanJames Thanks for your very nice words, its great to be back :) Thanks for your feedback, its very interesting that you pointed out the notes at no way back I hadnt realised /noticed their particular effect before :)

Have a nice week!
Rachel


Re: The ghost of us (Ghost Song Challenge)
Reply #10 on: October 14, 2019, 17:52:40
Wow @Rachel_D  nice track!
Cool. I like the live "found object" percussive elements. This whole thing can benefit from some more exaggeration I believe. The song could be longer, the atmosphere & echo and all could be pushed way up!
All this to say it is awesome.  :yes: and we want to hear more!  :yes:
Good show!
-11 ::Note::
Bill
Songwriter, Keyboards, Arranger, Producer & Engineer for November Sound

November Sound is based on the Mother, Father & Son musical trio of Melissa, Bill & Will. I'm the father so anything I post will have my wife singing and/or my son playing percussion.



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