• the mark of Cain
  • Started by Rightly
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  • Rightly
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the mark of Cain
on: February 07, 2019, 12:55:23
This one has been through a few twists n turns.
there were times i thought I'd never get it done.

I'm quite happy with it and I'll probably let it go now. Maybe.

again it's unusual from me


Feedback very welcome.
And advice too - can be really helpful.



The link:

https://soundcloud.com/rightly/the-mark-of-cain

the lyrics:

the mark of Cain
                                                                                           
           first man borne of earthly woman                                   
      wakeful n'fresh as the morning dew                                     
     the heavens fell he, was false as hell                           
 o'er which he was meant to rise and rule                             

 crouched was sin, waiting in desire for him                             
    only one shade darker than quicksand                       
         sunken in haste, so as to mask all trace                     
     blood of Abel crying out from the land                                       
                  rollin' n' rounded, runnin' in a cycle
               of blood and of grain
          never were we truly forgiven, only smitten with the
                the mark of Cain   
            Angry n' vain
           the mark of Cain
           
       expelled from all the glory of Eden                                     
    sent forth n' far from the grace of God                           
flesh o' his brother, fruits of th' field                                         
he built a city in the land of Nod                                                 

       industry of lust, engines of sin                                     
     we begin wi' all fair favor spent                                       
  sound n' fury, live n' love thy mis'ry                                     
daggers in the smiles of foe and of friend                                                 
            thus were laid the laws of human nature
          n' they don't change
the dye is cast from the first to the last
      with the mark
  the mark Cain
    angry n' vain
    the mark of Cain       

 rollin' n' rounded, runnin' in a cycle
               of blood and of grain
          never were we truly forgiven, only smitten with the
                the mark of Cain   
            Angry n' vain
           the mark of Cain
      bold and profane
         the mark of Cain

                the mark of Cain


______________________________


Rightly


Re: the mark of Cain
Reply #1 on: February 07, 2019, 14:03:11
Hi @Rightly

The story you tell is totally unusual, it seems that your state in these last days is also this one, that's great, you move ...

 I like very much the lyrics, it is poetry, hard, aggressive, beautiful and modern ... And a reminder of that stain that we all carry ... Will not innocence ever again exist?

Regarding the music, perhaps it would be good if the bass and the keyboard were better distinguished from each other, maybe working their frequencies?
And if the drum will stop from time to time, how you have done almost in the end, so after a brief break it would be enhanced when it reappears

I liked it when metals appear enriching the overall harmony.

I'm looking forward to reading your answer. ::thumb::
Cheers
I did not know that to live I had to die so many times
My Youtube channel:
https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCAaK7mFK7fUpf1E99I1Qtow
My Vimeo Songs of Thought channel:
https://vimeo.com/channels/moraamarolaloba
My Vimeo Downtempo channel:
https://vimeo.com/channels/moramarolalobadowntempo


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Re: the mark of Cain
Reply #2 on: February 07, 2019, 17:58:31
This one is pretty heavy......definitely needs a close listen. Your vocal performance really carries it through, though.

I love the way you write....the way this line flows, for instance:

sent forth n' far from the grace of God   

I really need to listen tonight in the studio....but even on computer speakers here in my office it sounds excellent. I like the vocal treatment a lot.
"The main thing is to have a gutsy approach....but use your head." Julia Child

 "In a world of robotic conformity, the only originality left in music is the imperfections" Eric Craptone

"Special thanks to Steve Gleason for making me who I am today." Leonard Scaper

Lenny's Tunes: http://www.soundclick.com/bands/page_music.cfm?bandID=540680

https://soundcloud.com/vincentgleason


  • Rightly
  • Poissonier
  • *
  • And there you have it.

    • 128


    • 13
    • August 17, 2019, 17:48:43
    • Berlin
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Re: the mark of Cain
Reply #3 on: February 07, 2019, 19:37:02
Hi @Rightly

The story you tell is totally unusual, it seems that your state in these last days is also this one, that's great, you move ...

 I like very much the lyrics, it is poetry, hard, aggressive, beautiful and modern ... And a reminder of that stain that we all carry ... Will not innocence ever again exist?

Regarding the music, perhaps it would be good if the bass and the keyboard were better distinguished from each other, maybe working their frequencies?
And if the drum will stop from time to time, how you have done almost in the end, so after a brief break it would be enhanced when it reappears

I liked it when metals appear enriching the overall harmony.

I'm looking forward to reading your answer. ::thumb::
Cheers

Thanks for the feedback.

Yes, this song tries to articulate my irritation with a heavy handed God.
(no matter how ridiculous, he's in there by way of my upbringing)

The music,  your suggestions are welcome. I'm still a beginner here. I'm trying to improve my workflow so that I've energy toward the end, so I can step back n make the right fundamental adjustments.
Your ideas are good and I'll probably develop in that direction, given time and the right feedback.

As this song stands I'm quite happy with it. I'll not revisit this song, I'll press on and improve a as I go.

I've one hundred million ideas.

X.


  • Rightly
  • Poissonier
  • *
  • And there you have it.

    • 128


    • 13
    • August 17, 2019, 17:48:43
    • Berlin
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Re: the mark of Cain
Reply #4 on: February 08, 2019, 22:50:27
This one is pretty heavy......definitely needs a close listen. Your vocal performance really carries it through, though.

I love the way you write....the way this line flows, for instance:

sent forth n' far from the grace of God   

I really need to listen tonight in the studio....but even on computer speakers here in my office it sounds excellent. I like the vocal treatment a lot.

Thanks leonard for the encouraging feedback
For themost part I don*t know what I*m doing, it*s a struggle to get anywhere near what I want
and too much of it is down to fluke.

I wish I had more time to contribute to the forum
connection problems

All the best! Rightly


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Re: the mark of Cain
Reply #5 on: February 09, 2019, 11:14:35
Listening again  in the studio on very good headphones early on a Saturday morning before I get to work on my own stuff. This is a very good mix, Your panning decisions are excellent......you have created a very captivating music landscape. Everything is wonderfully balanced making for a very enjoyable listening experience.

Don't worry about your involvement in the community, Rightly . You do well and we appreciate having you here. Your music is unique......you definitely add something special to The Kitchen.



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