• The Moth - A strange story
  • Started by Mora Amaro La Loba
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The Moth - A strange story
on: January 18, 2019, 13:41:55
« Last Edit: January 19, 2019, 13:58:24 by Mora Amaro La Loba »
Since I am basically a poet, I took advantage of one of my poems to musicalize it and "sing it-tell it" in my own way. I think the result is interesting, and the story so portrayed, shocking.

I would appreciate it if you could suggest any possible errors in the English text that I can correct. Here I go...


"Like the moth against the light that seems a refuge…"

https://vimeo.com/311352484

The Moth - A strange story

His movement was continuous

for him
everything was a moment

and more than living
he was burning
with the strength
of the demented shipwrecked
that swim
even on earth

and more than living
he was burning
with the strength
of the demented shipwrecked
that swim
even on earth

His movement was continuous

for him
everything was a loss
 
even of that
he would never have had

an impulse
that throws the moth
against the light
that seems a refuge
and that makes it

become a flame
become a flame

against the light
that seems a refuge
and that makes it
become a flame
become a flame

There was no night
there was no day
and everything
happened
as if it had been written
by a hand
that transformed the past
in the web
of a spider
that never released his steps.
I did not know that to live I had to die so many times
My Youtube channel:
https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCAaK7mFK7fUpf1E99I1Qtow
My Vimeo Songs of Thought channel:
https://vimeo.com/channels/moraamarolaloba
My Vimeo Downtempo channel:
https://vimeo.com/channels/moramarolalobadowntempo


Re: The Moth - A strange story
Reply #1 on: January 18, 2019, 15:47:39
This is a very interesting poem.  It makes me think of a man who suffers, but will not harm another with his pain.  Yet, a deeper part of him can see he is much more than merely his body/mind.  There is a part of him unstained by time.

I don't think you need to consider changing the words.  It works as it is.   


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Re: The Moth - A strange story
Reply #2 on: January 18, 2019, 15:52:43
Nice piece, Mora. There is such deep strength in your performance pieces. You take us to places that we would have never thought of going to.

I love how your eye opens in concert with the music at the beginning of this video.

Since you asked about English corrections....

and more than living
he was burning
with the strength
of the demented shipwrecked
that swims
even on earth


As I interpret this line, the noun "shipwrecked" is plural so the verb should be singular, as in "the shipwrecked that swim"
"The main thing is to have a gutsy approach....but use your head." Julia Child

 "In a world of robotic conformity, the only originality left in music is the imperfections" Eric Craptone

"Special thanks to Steve Gleason for making me who I am today." Leonard Scaper

Lenny's Tunes: http://www.soundclick.com/bands/page_music.cfm?bandID=540680

https://soundcloud.com/vincentgleason


Re: The Moth - A strange story
Reply #3 on: January 19, 2019, 13:54:44
This is a very interesting poem.  It makes me think of a man who suffers, but will not harm another with his pain.  Yet, a deeper part of him can see he is much more than merely his body/mind.  There is a part of him unstained by time.

I don't think you need to consider changing the words.  It works as it is.   

Hello @nicetalkintoya! Many thanks. I think you've made a faithful portrait of this character!!! ::thumb::


Re: The Moth - A strange story
Reply #4 on: January 19, 2019, 13:57:36
Nice piece, Mora. There is such deep strength in your performance pieces. You take us to places that we would have never thought of going to.

I love how your eye opens in concert with the music at the beginning of this video.

Since you asked about English corrections....

and more than living
he was burning
with the strength
of the demented shipwrecked
that swims
even on earth


As I interpret this line, the noun "shipwrecked" is plural so the verb should be singular, as in "the shipwrecked that swim"

Thank you @Leonard Scaper

Thank you for taking the time to correct my text. I have already did it.


Re: The Moth - A strange story
Reply #5 on: January 19, 2019, 14:42:07
Hi @Mora Amaro La Loba , I love your poem,  I have a question though, is your poem translated from Spanish?  If so, how hard  is it to translate and stay faithful to the original? Do you use one of the translating programs on the internet?

The reason I'm asking is that I'm trying to translate some of my songs into German for my niece to sing.  I'm finding it very difficult to translate. I can do a word for word translation, but then it's not like a song.

 She's such a good singer and it would be nice when she comes to visit to get her to record a few. She's a teenager and my stuffs not her cup of tea  ,  but she'll do it for me.  She's also getting very good with English, but too busy with school.

Of course you may be writing in English.

Thanks,

Vince


Re: The Moth - A strange story
Reply #6 on: January 19, 2019, 17:18:35
Hi @Mora Amaro La Loba , I love your poem,  I have a question though, is your poem translated from Spanish?  If so, how hard  is it to translate and stay faithful to the original? Do you use one of the translating programs on the internet?

The reason I'm asking is that I'm trying to translate some of my songs into German for my niece to sing.  I'm finding it very difficult to translate. I can do a word for word translation, but then it's not like a song.

 She's such a good singer and it would be nice when she comes to visit to get her to record a few. She's a teenager and my stuffs not her cup of tea  ,  but she'll do it for me.  She's also getting very good with English, but too busy with school.

Of course you may be writing in English.

Thanks,

Vince

Yes, I translated it from a poem of mine in Spanish. I always use Google translator and also, when I have doubts, I look for other online translators and, more or less, get what I want to convey. However, once I have achieved a logical translation, I always have to consult synonyms for some words to make them sound more musical, I do not know if I explain me well... (Other times I throw myself without thinking and I wait for the listeners to correct me or not)

It is evident that the cadence will change from the original text to the translated but that is logical, the important thing is that the translation that you make sounds musical and keep the original message.

You have it easier, make the translation with google translator, since you know the song you want to translate and your "message" consults with your niece explaining what it is about. Surely she will find that or those words that make you doubt.

Go on @Vince!!! ::thumb:: :yes:


Re: The Moth - A strange story
Reply #7 on: January 19, 2019, 18:44:47
As always, original and impactful with your writing and performance @Mora Amaro La Loba I loved the drums at the beginning.  They set the scene beautifully. Lyrics are intriguing. A lovely piece - you never fail to draw me in. Intriguing.


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Re: The Moth - A strange story
Reply #8 on: January 20, 2019, 01:40:05
@Mora Amaro La Loba  An intense and fascinating poem which works very well with the heartbeat of drums and spare electronic arrangement.
Since much of the mood is created by your voice and the music, I wondered if using some part of  your original Spanish poem would have sounded.  Dual language songs aren`t common, but can sound cool!

Robert


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Re: The Moth - A strange story
Reply #9 on: January 20, 2019, 19:51:03
« Last Edit: January 20, 2019, 20:10:00 by Marcus Nalgaber »
Imagination has taken me to a movie carrying me to a plain where it gets dark and a train takes me on a journey where the end is not written.
Your music always has an intellectual and abstract background that I love.
Your music always has an intellectual and abstract background that I love.
Very good work!  ::thumb::


Re: The Moth - A strange story
Reply #10 on: January 21, 2019, 12:38:58
As always, original and impactful with your writing and performance @Mora Amaro La Loba I loved the drums at the beginning.  They set the scene beautifully. Lyrics are intriguing. A lovely piece - you never fail to draw me in. Intriguing.

@Zedd
Thank you. If you look at the absurdity of life everything has the meaning that we want to give things... Imagination?


Re: The Moth - A strange story
Reply #11 on: January 21, 2019, 13:02:18
@Mora Amaro La Loba  An intense and fascinating poem which works very well with the heartbeat of drums and spare electronic arrangement.
Since much of the mood is created by your voice and the music, I wondered if using some part of  your original Spanish poem would have sounded.  Dual language songs aren`t common, but can sound cool!

Robert
Hi @robertkc ! Thank you

Almost all my songs in English are based on my poems in Spanish, generally, my poetry in Spanish is not sung.
I leave a link to the original poem of this topic in case you want to take a look. The video is funny despite being one of my first video works.

Náufrago



Re: The Moth - A strange story
Reply #12 on: January 21, 2019, 13:05:47
Hola @Marcus!
Me encanta todo lo que me dices. Gracias. ;) :loveit:


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Re: The Moth - A strange story
Reply #13 on: January 28, 2019, 21:03:03
THIS WAS BIZARRE AND HAUNTING AND SO DIFFERENT SO THANK YOU
was drawn to the title and was not disappointed at all. Video is neat too, cool collage work. Chills.


Re: The Moth - A strange story
Reply #14 on: January 30, 2019, 12:26:17
THIS WAS BIZARRE AND HAUNTING AND SO DIFFERENT SO THANK YOU
was drawn to the title and was not disappointed at all. Video is neat too, cool collage work. Chills.

Hi @Rewboat
You are very kind. I like a lot of mystery.... The truth has so many faces that it's hard to stay alone with one!



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