• Treacherous Minds
  • Started by Rachel_D
0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.
  • Rachel_D
  • Chef de Partie
  • *
  • Music is what feelings sound like

    • 963


    • 582
    • Yesterday at 22:52:41
    • Malta
  • more
Treacherous Minds
on: February 06, 2019, 19:05:17
Hi kitcheners! :)

It's always great to be back over here :) ... Today I'm sharing with you a (rough) poem song which came to my mind yesterday. It's one of those where the words and melody just came by on their own without even trying.... probably it's all a reflection of deep inner thoughts (lying at the back of my mind) that were eagerly waiting for the right moment to be liberated XD...and they happily came out in the form of this poem song.... and I guess you're the only types of persons on earth who could potentially fully understand this.... in this version I kept the lyrics as they 'came' as well and did not seek to improve on them, to sort of to document the original thoughts.

Nevertheless, I'd still love your feedback and thoughts about it as a song, so do let me know what you think :)

LINK (lyrics also in link):


Have a nice week,
Rachel
Rachel  ::Rachel::
https://.com/rachel_debattista


Re: Treacherous Minds
Reply #1 on: February 06, 2019, 20:42:34
Hi @Rachel_D

Very nice song and reflexive lyrics. I like a lot "Because you just stand there
and I just move on
and I take away
all you accuse me of
I just stay here
as you take away the times
the times of my life"

Cheers!! ::thumb:: ::thumb::

I did not know that to live I had to die so many times
My Youtube channel:
https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCAaK7mFK7fUpf1E99I1Qtow
My Vimeo Songs of Thought channel:
https://vimeo.com/channels/moraamarolaloba
My Vimeo Downtempo channel:
https://vimeo.com/channels/moramarolalobadowntempo


  • Leonard Scaper
  • Global Moderator
  • Executive Chef
  • *
  • *
  • Guest Chef

    • 3829


    • 1136
    • Yesterday at 22:02:31
    • Terra Firma
  • more
Re: Treacherous Minds
Reply #2 on: February 06, 2019, 21:15:07
I like it. It flows nicely and has a nice bluesy feel to it.

I always like it when lyrics come like that.
"The main thing is to have a gutsy approach....but use your head." Julia Child

 "In a world of robotic conformity, the only originality left in music is the imperfections" Eric Craptone

"Special thanks to Steve Gleason for making me who I am today." Leonard Scaper

Lenny's Tunes: http://www.soundclick.com/bands/page_music.cfm?bandID=540680

https://soundcloud.com/vincentgleason


  • LePlongeur
  • Sous Chef
  • *
  • In Tartiflette we trust

    • 1139


    • 304
    • Yesterday at 11:01:30
    • Greater Amsterdam
  • more
Re: Treacherous Minds
Reply #3 on: February 07, 2019, 08:20:55
Both Leonard and me use this way of writing. Can’t speak for Leonard, but all my Dutch lyrics are written in a stream of consciousness. Or automatic writing, as it is called overhere.
Now the reason I mention this, is because I am curious about language. And I hope you’re not angry if I ask some things about this. @Rachel_D

I write an awful lot effortlessly and purely for the fun of it.
I can’t seem to ‘disconnect’ enough when writing in English. In other words, the playfulness I have in Dutch, seems to be missing in English. I think too much and that is sort of in the way of getting the results I like.  If it’s self consciousness or lesser knowledge of the language is a bit of a mystery to me.

So my questions:
Is there a Maltese language or dialect and do you use that on a day to day basis, or do you use English exclusively?

And have you written lyrics before, this way?

Many people are not comfortable with this way of writing. An Austrian guy said it shows deeper layers of the consciousness. He said that guys have Venus envy too, so we know that he was wrong more often than not. And what did he know about lyrics anyway. What do you think of this. Are you uncomfortable with writing this way?

You understand, the first two questions are really serious. The third too, but the intro is poking fun at the whole Freud Myth.

If you think my questions are too personal,  please ignore them. I apologize if you think they are too direct.
My aim is true, said Elvis Costello. My aim too, I say.
Thanks for your post and your time.
Kind regards, Gus



  • Dutchbeat
  • MADministrator
  • Michelin Starred Chef
  • *
  • *
  • If you can stand the Beat, get into the Kitchen!

    • 8762


    • 1424
    • Yesterday at 22:05:48
  • more
Re: Treacherous Minds
Reply #4 on: February 07, 2019, 18:21:06
Hi @Rachel_D , another very nice poem song of you  ::thumb:: ::thumb:: ::thumb:: i always like your vocal melodies and the sound of your voice a lot. Would be nice to give this song a fuller arrangment and mix too

great music  ::headphone:: ::headphone:: ::headphone::
me, myself, and Pie


  • Rachel_D
  • Chef de Partie
  • *
  • Music is what feelings sound like

    • 963


    • 582
    • Yesterday at 22:52:41
    • Malta
  • more
Re: Treacherous Minds
Reply #5 on: February 10, 2019, 23:12:37
Hi! Thanks for your replies! :)

@Mora Amaro La Loba  – thanks for listening so intently and for sharing your thoughts on the song :)

@Leonard Scaper  – Thanks for your feedback! It’s great someone else also experiences the same type of lyric-spark.

@LePlongeur  – It’s great that you also experience this ‘automatic writing’ and thanks for your very long reply! – it was very interesting to read through your points…. Yes I’m happy to reply and discuss this – so here goes:

I speak Maltese (it is actually a national language and we do have dialects of it in certain areas too) - so I express myself completely in Maltese when I speak. I use English mainly to write say for example emails, fill forms and use computers (and most of my subjects at school/university used to be taught  in English too)….before I got into songwriting I actually used to write poems, and I mostly wrote those in maltese as I like it a lot as a language and admire the past maltese poets whose works we used to study at secondary school. In general, when I come to speaking, it is as you describe it – it’s much more ‘effortless’ in my mother tongue – especially when it comes to expressing intense personal emotions – I’d be too conscious of myself doing so in English.

However, when it comes to writing these ‘poem-songs’ I seem to have found English as a good medium. And ironically a better language to ‘disconnect’…. And that’s probably because of the very fact that I don’t use it much to speak. So subconsciously I feel more free/safe to let out my stream of consciousness in a language which I did not actually use when creating the actual ‘memories’ on which the consciousness is based. And in some way, it helps me to be more honest while also a bit more subtle.

….to your next point – It took me some time to actually start posting these kinds (of what I call) ‘poem-songs’… I wrote my first one when I was 11, but it wasn’t until I was 23 that I started posting them publicly… and at times I like to hide behind metaphors and the mystery of words – it helps to feel less ‘exposed’ but still get the sound of the emotions across. I actually feel good about writing this way, because sometimes it reveals what I am actually pondering about deep in my head and somehow helps me understand myself better + it does feel way better to listen to a thought in the form of a song or meaningful melody rather than having it in the form of a heavy, complex burden at the back of ones mind.

… and btw - if you’re wondering what maltese sounds like, here is a song which I wrote in maltese, some time ago:

@Dutchbeat – Ah Dutchbeat! Thanks for listening! :D I’m glad that you like the melodies – that means a lot! :D btw if you ever want to have a go at collaborating on a song and helping me with the instrumental side of it – do let me know :)


Re: Treacherous Minds
Reply #6 on: February 11, 2019, 01:17:46
Hi Rach, you've done a good job on the video it's very fresh, clean and bright. I really like some of your rhymes especially eyes/compromise (i've noted it down to steal it actually!) good phrasing, the lyrics just flow.


  • Knate
  • Poissonier
  • *
  • Musical Polygamist

    • 147


    • 70
    • March 28, 2019, 00:34:13
    • Carbondale, CO
    • https://twitter.com/Knate_B https://www.facebook.com/KnateOfficial/ https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCqy_LIRo5lDZvjDYEgjpYTQ https://soundcloud.com/knate-official
  • more
Re: Treacherous Minds
Reply #7 on: February 11, 2019, 04:38:06
Very nice song.  A pleasant listen.  My only comment is that the lyrics get a little lost where the layered vocals happen.  Easy fix by dropping some levels on the back ups. 

Its great when a muse visits and thing come together quickly!


  • LePlongeur
  • Sous Chef
  • *
  • In Tartiflette we trust

    • 1139


    • 304
    • Yesterday at 11:01:30
    • Greater Amsterdam
  • more
Re: Treacherous Minds
Reply #8 on: February 11, 2019, 11:02:39
What a very nice thought to give such an elaborate reaction.
And thank you very very much that you did. I’ve read it and listeed to your whatever the name was.

I would have guessed that Italian were a larger influence than it appears to be.

Your reaction will be of great help to me and maybe one day i’ll manage to do it in English too.
And you understood correctly. I still feel too self conscious when I try to do it in English too. So I have to be patient and try to overcome this.

Let me stop here, because you posted this for your poem song, right? But I wanted to tell you how glad I am with your explanation.
Thanks again!
Kind regards, Gus