• Unalienable Demo
  • Started by dgrove
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Unalienable Demo
on: May 21, 2020, 03:24:33
Here's a song I'm working on:

I wrote the song, and all tracks are performed by myself. It's incomplete at the moment. Any feedback, good or bad, is requested. Not looking for anything in particular, but please do tell me your thoughts and any suggestions you may have.

About the song:
It's sort of a pop/r&b tune with some synthwave influence. There's more tweaking to do to it yet, and I still haven't written a second verse or bridge part I am satisfied with (and thus, haven't recorded). But it's coming along!

Lyrics (incomplete):
You always speak your mind
Tell me that I am filled with hate
All the while you become irrate
And you reject my kind
Yeah you praise me when we agree
But disown me when we disagree

You say you don't want me around
I'm not allowed in your town
You can shout at me and kick me to the ground
But if that's all you've got
You can't shut me down

I have the freedom to express
Ideas I don't wish to repress
I want to bring it up

I have the freedom to dissent
I don't need anyone's consent

It's unalienable
It's unalienable

(More to come)

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Re: Unalienable Demo
Reply #1 on: May 21, 2020, 10:28:48
Sounding very pro! @dgrove
the singing in the first verse could be a bit more poinetd. But the chorus is great.
the string sound in the chorus might be a bit too corny in itself. A funky acoustic guitar could enlighten the texture there.
Well done!
recommending https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/How_Music_Works "How music works", book by David Byrne.

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Re: Unalienable Demo
Reply #2 on: May 21, 2020, 15:58:13
I sing about imperfect people and I like listening to imperfect music.
It would be more imperfect and therefor more fun to listen to, if the voice would be a little more brash, reckless. With an edge.
In words, not intended for sensitive ears, itís a fuck you text, that needs a fuck you voice. I donít mean screaming, but a little less disciplined would certainly do the trick.

I wonder what the master of robotics (@Dutchbeat) is going to say about it, but I say youíre almost done.
So far itís a good demo because it outlines what the song is going to be in good hands. In your hands, that is. @dgrove
Kind regards, Gus

Re: Unalienable Demo
Reply #3 on: May 25, 2020, 21:22:04
I love the premise....the music is really good......your singing is good, to me.
I really like the way you bring this relevant message, clearly, and without pointing any fingers to one side or the other. Everyone can relate, and perhaps do a little reflecting on our own.
Good stuff, dgrove............
I Know The Truth By My Struggle Against It

Re: Unalienable Demo
Reply #4 on: May 27, 2020, 20:35:02
Hey @dgrove ....nice arrangement and really good vocals.
"The main thing is to have a gutsy approach....but use your head." Julia Child

 "In a world of robotic conformity, the only originality left in music is the imperfections" Eric Craptone

"Special thanks to Steve Gleason for making me who I am today." Leonard Scaper

Lenny's Tunes: http://www.soundclick.com/bands/page_music.cfm?bandID=540680


Re: Unalienable Demo
Reply #5 on: May 28, 2020, 13:51:03
Hola @dgrove

The song structure is perfect, ant the sound is full of dynamism wrapping perfectly the lyrics.. May be the instrumental part could have a solo, a chorus, but it is only my appreciation.
I did not know that to live I had to die so many times

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Re: Unalienable Demo
Reply #6 on: May 28, 2020, 18:59:08
Thats a good start to me, for sure it's worth to work it out more!  :ok: :)

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