• Uplifting - raw demo by Layerson - what do you think?
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  • Layerson
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Hi all!

Felt that I needed to make  a song today (had an itch or something, haven't made a song all by myself for quite a while...), so I made one using the pop formula. The lyrics may seem a bit nonsensical in places and it is a work in progress, just thought if anyone wanted to make suggestions for the lyrics or music or just some feedback in general that'd be great. Even though it started out as an experiment it has grown on me so I intend to finish it.

Hope you like it (...despite it's being in a raw state...), here's the song:

https://soundcloud.com/user-2898025/uplifting-original-raw-demo-by-layerson

And here's the lyrics:
Verse 1:
Don’t keep sayin you’re sorry
No need to say that to me
Won’t hear me feelin worried
Just sayin I forgive you

But something's craving your attention
Something calls for intervention
N’ you’ve got that troubled look
You say we are splitting up

Chorus:
Hey hey
Just wanna hear you
Say say
Say that you’re gonna
Stay, stay
Stay here next to me
Cause your love's uplifting

Verse 2:
Felt somehow time was moving slow
Pushing us away from our glow
No bells or whistles flying by
Can’t make sense of anything

Now I yearn for your attention
However futile the attempt was
Felt you slipping through my fingers
Taking parts of me away with you

Chorus:
Hey hey
Just want for you to
Stay, stay
Say that you’re gonna
Stay, stay
Stay here next to me
Cause your love's uplifting

Bridge:
Just wanna turn back time
To right before you disappeard
Got something I need to do
Want you to hear me say

Repeat chorus x2.
 
Lyrics by Mikael Lagersson (a.k.a Layerson)

 ::Rachel::
/Micke
Layerson (a.k.a. Mikael Lagersson)


Re: Uplifting - raw demo by Layerson - what do you think?
Reply #1 on: March 11, 2019, 03:34:04
@Layerson  hello! I really like the feel of this...the chord changes are great and the music carries your message well. I really like your voice in the bridge (let it out!) While reading your lyrics, one thing I noticed was I wondered what point the relationship is or was at. Like you're asking for her to stay but in the bridge it sounds like she is already gone. I try to visualize the situation I'm writing about like I'm there, trying to show what Im seeing and feeling. I'm not sure I'm making sense (talking about writing lol) but that might help with some clarity. The feeling is there...nice tune!   :shinyteeth:
Do what makes your heart sing :)


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Re: Uplifting - raw demo by Layerson - what do you think?
Reply #2 on: March 11, 2019, 09:37:15
Thanks @Kellyanneg, glad you liked it :)

Lyrics isn’t my strongest discipline and as you said, it needs some work and the past tense and present thingy is a bit mixed up, I’ll need to look into that.

As for “letting it out” it’s gonna need some retakes as my singing isn’t in pitch, bridge especially  ;)

Thanks again for your feedback.

 ::Rachel::
/Micke


Re: Uplifting - raw demo by Layerson - what do you think?
Reply #3 on: March 11, 2019, 15:12:04
« Last Edit: March 11, 2019, 15:28:05 by Mora Amaro La Loba »
Great track, I love the chorus and the rhythm style. When double voice appears at the chorus the music reaches another presence but there is something that sounds strange?
And maybe the pad is too much present? Nothing more than my personal appreciation. Apart from what I tell you, your song has a hook  ::thumb::
I did not know that to live I had to die so many times
My Youtube channel:
https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCAaK7mFK7fUpf1E99I1Qtow
My Vimeo Songs of Thought channel:
https://vimeo.com/channels/moraamarolaloba
My Vimeo Downtempo channel:
https://vimeo.com/channels/moramarolalobadowntempo


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Re: Uplifting - raw demo by Layerson - what do you think?
Reply #4 on: March 11, 2019, 16:38:43
Thanks so much @Mora Amaro La Loba  :)

Nice to hear your thougts and suggestions, it's so easy to miss things because of being fooled by ones own ears, so kind of you to lend me your ears  :blackgrin:

The "pad" is heavily automated and arpeggiated, so that's maybe what's sounding strange, altough I'm not sure if you feel it sounds okay in the last choruses/outro or if it is in the first one, or not at all? (Maybe if I knew around what time in the song it is particularly strange, I could pay special attention to that part and try to figure out what you hear and react to, chances are I've missed it...)

Re the "hook": Thanks again, I tried to make it as catchy super repetitive I could but also keep it going... will need to work on some more variation though... still, I'm happy to hear you express that it is there too  :dance:

 ::Rachel::
/Micke


  • smajor
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Re: Uplifting - raw demo by Layerson - what do you think?
Reply #5 on: March 29, 2019, 02:24:46
« Last Edit: March 29, 2019, 02:29:19 by smajor »
Hi @Layerson ,

I think the chorus is killer. Although I'd twist it a bit with the last line and say... "cause my love's uplifting".  And I love your vocals in the chorus.

The story overall is probably too complicated to fit the chorus. As much as I get the story at all.

I'd go for something much less involved...

"We went out on a whim...
you told me you were over him...
now I'm waiting for your call...
maybe you weren't over him after all..."

And then go a bit deeper in the next verses. But not too deep.

I think this has real potential.

Just thought of this... "I want to lift you... I want to lift you up... I'll let you fly... and then I'll catch you." If that helps at all.

Later,
Stan

I'm a lyricist seeking music writers to work with.


  • Layerson
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Re: Uplifting - raw demo by Layerson - what do you think?
Reply #6 on: March 29, 2019, 09:24:22
Thanks a million @smajor . :shinyteeth:

I agree totally, this song would benefit from a better, more coherent and clear lyric, will need to “keep it on a back burner” until I figure the arrangement and the lyrics out.  :blackgrin:

 ::Rachel::
/Micke






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