• Won't You
  • Started by realkevm
0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.
  • realkevm
  • Rotisseur
  • *
  • Karma Hunter

    • 396


    • 58
    • October 12, 2019, 22:11:58
    • Hull, UK
  • more
Won't You
on: June 28, 2019, 11:57:34
Hello! Here's a song I wrote last week, I feel it's my best yet and i'm really excited about it. I'd love to know what you guys think to it and any suggestions for improvement are welcome. Kev :)

Won't you tell me a story
One I hope never ends
But if it's over
I'll help you write it again

Won't you sing me as sing
So I can hear your soul
And when it's done
I'll know what you know

Chorus (Changes each time from 'I'm' to 'you're' and finally to 'we're')

I'm feeling so alone
Too warm to feel cold
Look how much i've grown
I'm too young to feel this old

2nd verse

Won't you write me a letter
Tell me where you've been
And when i've read it
I'll have seen what you've seen

Won't you sail me a boat
Straight across the sea
And when the waves come down
Take shelter with me



  • Leonard Scaper
  • Global Moderator
  • Executive Chef
  • *
  • *
  • Guest Chef

    • 3763


    • 1134
    • Yesterday at 22:28:39
    • Terra Firma
  • more
Re: Won't You
Reply #1 on: June 28, 2019, 15:04:58
Your playing and singing have taken on a very cool depth and delicacy. All that performing has really helped you to become a more nuanced performer.

Good song here as well......I agree that is the best I have heard from you.
"The main thing is to have a gutsy approach....but use your head." Julia Child

 "In a world of robotic conformity, the only originality left in music is the imperfections" Eric Craptone

"Special thanks to Steve Gleason for making me who I am today." Leonard Scaper

Lenny's Tunes: http://www.soundclick.com/bands/page_music.cfm?bandID=540680

https://soundcloud.com/vincentgleason


  • MrBouzouki
  • Global Moderator
  • Sous Chef
  • *
  • *
  • "Let the Creators Create" :-)

    • 1344


    • 548
    • October 12, 2019, 19:46:21
    • Sheffield, UK
    • https://www.facebook.com/Mr.Bouzouki.Music/ https://www.youtube.com/user/MisterBouzouki https://soundcloud.com/mrbouzouki
  • more
Re: Won't You
Reply #2 on: June 28, 2019, 15:34:47
« Last Edit: June 28, 2019, 16:18:11 by MrBouzouki »
I agree with @Leonard Scaper and yourself that this is your best yet.

I reckon like Lenny that performance is smoothing out your delivery. The practice is paying off.

One think i noted on your video is what you do with your head when you ended a phrase.  Most singer songwriters I watched in performance stay on mic much more and their head keeps quite still.

At the beginning you look a bit disinterested and for an audience member it can signal you aren't really bothered about them listening to you..

I know you are only recording and not performing but I reckon you should just have two head positions.

1) On mic singing. You can engage the audience best this way.

2) Looking down at the guitar. You are intent on your playing.

I wonder if your mic is set too high as you are reaching up to it. That puts you in a tense position for singing and then you are relaxing again at the completion of a phrase.

Set it right and you don't need to move you so you can keep still and so the audience is distracted with you moving but focus on the performance instead. It's also using quite a bit of energy that can be better put into singing and playing. Lifting your head closes off your airway too, we always get told off about that in choir.

Things like this can be an important element to your overall performance. I suggest watching pro singer /songwriters in performance with a guitar on YouTube and make a note of what works and what doesn't, especially if sat and not standing up. 

The closing eyes thing can be considered by some to disconnecting from the audience. Our choir MD always picks this up if people put forward for solo spots. As a pro voiced coach of some years standing I have taken that onboard as it used to be a thing I did.

It's all about engaging the audience to tell the story and subtle body language stuff can put people off.

Just some observations that might be worth considering.

Good Job

 ::OSMAN:: ::OSMAN:: ::OSMAN::



"Love and Life is all about connections"


  • realkevm
  • Rotisseur
  • *
  • Karma Hunter

    • 396


    • 58
    • October 12, 2019, 22:11:58
    • Hull, UK
  • more
Re: Won't You
Reply #3 on: June 29, 2019, 10:41:37
@Leonard Scaper Thank you Sir, i'm glad you can see an improvement in my performance :)

@MrBouzouki  Thank you for the detailed feedback and advice. These are things that I am aware of but often fail to do lol, whether I forget or what I don't know. Thank you for reminding me and giving me a much needed nudge to work on that aspect of my performance. I've been studying Richard Ashcroft, the way he delivers his vocals and his body language which has helped me a great deal recently but i'll look for others, any suggesitons?


  • oorlab
  • Chef de Partie
  • *
  • savoir vivre

    • 968


    • 349
    • October 16, 2019, 22:55:23
    • netherlands
    • https://twitter.com/oorlab https://soundcloud.com/oorlab
  • more
Re: Won't You
Reply #4 on: June 29, 2019, 11:58:46
@realkevm   - most enjoyable, I like the warm sound of the guitar. The vocals might be - if recorded separately be a bit drier in the mix.
Has a Bruce Springsteen feel.
Good one!
recommending https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/How_Music_Works "How music works", book by David Byrne.


  • realkevm
  • Rotisseur
  • *
  • Karma Hunter

    • 396


    • 58
    • October 12, 2019, 22:11:58
    • Hull, UK
  • more
Re: Won't You
Reply #5 on: June 29, 2019, 12:22:28
@oorlab Thanks so much dude


  • Dutchbeat
  • MADministrator
  • Michelin Starred Chef
  • *
  • *
  • If you can stand the Beat, get into the Kitchen!

    • 8683


    • 1422
    • Today at 01:34:04
  • more
Re: Won't You
Reply #6 on: June 29, 2019, 17:47:19
sounds good @realkevm, nice strumming  ::thumb::
me, myself, and Pie


Re: Won't You
Reply #7 on: June 30, 2019, 15:57:51
@realkevm sweet lyrics! I like how your passion is genuine and obvious. Sounding great!  :pompom:
Do what makes your heart sing :)


  • realkevm
  • Rotisseur
  • *
  • Karma Hunter

    • 396


    • 58
    • October 12, 2019, 22:11:58
    • Hull, UK
  • more
Re: Won't You
Reply #8 on: July 01, 2019, 08:41:15
@Dutchbeat Thank you my man
@Kellyanneg Thank you, i'm particularly proud of the line 'Won't you sing me a song/so I can hear your soul'


Re: Won't You
Reply #9 on: July 01, 2019, 12:27:42
@realkevm I agree...very strong verses. I know I pop in occasionally but have seen your writing reach another level. Very well done. :thumbsup:


  • realkevm
  • Rotisseur
  • *
  • Karma Hunter

    • 396


    • 58
    • October 12, 2019, 22:11:58
    • Hull, UK
  • more
Re: Won't You
Reply #10 on: July 02, 2019, 12:14:42
@realkevm I agree...very strong verses. I know I pop in occasionally but have seen your writing reach another level. Very well done. :thumbsup:
Thanks so much Kel, i'm playing it live tonight as part of my set so wish me luck :)


Re: Won't You
Reply #11 on: July 02, 2019, 13:32:07
@realkevm you got this!


Re: Won't You
Reply #12 on: July 02, 2019, 15:03:52
Nice work @realkevm ! This be your best song yet! When you stop and say, "... too young to feel this old" ... man, it just hits me in the heart. I get it. People will get it. Good stuff.
Good luck tonight!  :thumbsup:
Bill
Songwriter, Keyboards, Arranger, Producer & Engineer for November Sound

November Sound is based on the Mother, Father & Son musical trio of Melissa, Bill & Will. I'm the father so anything I post will have my wife singing and/or my son playing percussion.


  • realkevm
  • Rotisseur
  • *
  • Karma Hunter

    • 396


    • 58
    • October 12, 2019, 22:11:58
    • Hull, UK
  • more
Re: Won't You
Reply #13 on: July 02, 2019, 15:08:56
Thank you Bill, that really means a lot to me


  • realkevm
  • Rotisseur
  • *
  • Karma Hunter

    • 396


    • 58
    • October 12, 2019, 22:11:58
    • Hull, UK
  • more
Re: Won't You
Reply #14 on: July 03, 2019, 11:55:17
I played the song live last night for the first time, if anyone would like to have a listen :)




xx
Those We Won't See Again

Started by Chargedvt on Songs for review

4 Replies
382 Views
Last post January 06, 2018, 08:04:02
by Chargedvt
xx
how the west was really won

Started by Dutchbeat on Songs for review

10 Replies
541 Views
Last post June 24, 2014, 16:04:29
by Goatrelated
xx
I Won't Wait

Started by revivalchoir on Songs for review

25 Replies
1239 Views
Last post April 04, 2017, 03:12:42
by Olbigead
xx
Time Won't Slow Down

Started by PTCruiser1801 on Songs for review

14 Replies
770 Views
Last post March 24, 2016, 13:43:39
by Siobhan Dakay
xx
Our forum won a prize!!!

Started by Dutchbeat on The kitchen café

17 Replies
720 Views
Last post November 11, 2016, 21:33:12
by Dutchbeat