• Wrap You Up - Updated Version
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Wrap You Up - Updated Version
on: February 14, 2016, 17:49:59
« Last Edit: February 17, 2016, 16:01:26 by Zedd »
Hello all...

A departure from my normal angst-ridden lyrics, this really is a very simple love song. I figured I'd upload a rough version today because of the day that's in it..

Looking for feedback on the song - and also as I record it properly, what additional instrumentation - bass I think, perhaps a simple shaker as percussion.... ?  This version is just simple keys and vocal...

Does it work starting without an intro (I had originally a 4-beat tamb intro but I took it out)? The bridge is high so of course I hate the vocal on that bit but does it work?

Is it a verse too long??

All feedback welcome my kitchen songwriter colleagues!

https://soundcloud.com/monnodb/wrap-you-up-rough

Wrap You Up

I've got your back      
Relax my friend       
I know your goal      
We'll reach that end.    
I know that I          
Was made for you      
No moment's doubt      
It's simply true       

Chorus
I'll wrap you up      
I'll keep you warm      
I'll shelter you       
from every storm      
I'll wrap you up      

Verse 2
Come over here
Sit by my side
I'll be the one
You can confide in
I'll tell you that
You can have it all
I'll cheer you on
At every turn

Chorus

Verse 3
Your biggest fan
Your champion
You are my reason
You are my world
I thank the one who
Brought you to me
She didn't know 
I'd set you/free

Chorus

Bridge
A simple love song       
A simple tale         
A wish to stay just like this    
In every way          
A simple love song       
A simple tale         
I hope our love stays like this
And never wanes


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Re: Shameless Soppiness for Valentine's Day :-) Wrap You Up
Reply #1 on: February 14, 2016, 18:01:37
Zedd, this is great, and those piano chords are absolutely briljant!!!!!!!!
and your vocal stunning as always

again you are so good in combining a very happy - and yet sligthly sad mood (and usually the other way around in your other songs), in this case very romantic

but there is that edge again (in my opinion)

i love it



me, myself, and Pie


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Re: Shameless Soppiness for Valentine's Day :-) Wrap You Up
Reply #2 on: February 14, 2016, 21:01:18
Hi Zedd,

I think the lack of intro works, and is quite refreshing - just drops you straight into the song.

I like the stripped down nature. Sounds like a solo spot in the middle of a concert. Zedd under the spotlight!

Not sure I'd add anything to it, unless you are after a fuller production, in which case, maybe some simple strings, and maybe a sax solo.

I do admire folks who can write love songs and sound sincere when they deliver them>

Digger


Re: Shameless Soppiness for Valentine's Day :-) Wrap You Up
Reply #3 on: February 14, 2016, 23:26:58
Hey Zedd! :) It was a pleasure to listen to your new creation. I like the song?s simple nature and lighter theme. I also love the chords  - especially at the chorus and the bridge. I really like this piano only version as it lends itself well to the honest nature of the lyrics.
 Here are a few thoughts/ suggestions (some are a bit on the critical side but my intention is only to possibly help, because as I said I like your song very much :) )

Intro: I like the intro, I think it works well this way (at least in this version of the song).

Verse: I like the structure of your verses and I particularly like how you joined the last line of the verses with the chorus :) In my opinion Verse 1 is the best sounding of all three ? I think it?s working best in terms of rhyme, length of words and sound of words with respect to the melody and the nature of the song- I like that each line has 4 syllables and your rhymes at 2/4 and 6/8. Given the simplicity of the song I think I would have preferred it if each of the verses were more similar to the first so I?d consider altering the more winding lines such as: ?you can confide in?, ?you can have it all?, and the un-rhyming end to ?at every turn?. An example of a possible alteration could be: 

?Come over here
Let it all be
Sit by my side
Confide in me

I'll say that you
can have it all
I'll cheer you up
As times move on?

Repetition: I think this is a matter of personal taste: I personally do not like too much repetition and would prefer if the chorus and the phrase ?I?ll wrap you up? is repeated a bit less. I would consider keeping just 2 verses ie: verse ? chorus ? verse ? chorus ? bridge. (But that obviously can be just my preference)

RE Bridge: I think the bridge is the best part of the song! :D I actually really think that the higher notes are sounding really good! Your voice really sounds beautiful at these higher pitched parts ? It may be less loud but it sounds beautiful - and this was actually my favourite part :)

Thanks for sharing!
Karma for you! :)
Rachel  ::Rachel::
https://.com/rachel_debattista


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Re: Shameless Soppiness for Valentine's Day :-) Wrap You Up
Reply #4 on: February 15, 2016, 00:09:35
Hey Karen,

Lovely love song here, right on Valentine's day! And I really enjoyed listening!
Hard to come up with suggestions for the instrumentation, because imo the subject
of the song and the 'just piano and vocal' arrangement fit together very well.
Maybe I'd just add some strings when the song moves towards the end, but that's all.
In this version I think the vocal should be a bit louder (in gain) compared to
the piano. And I think I hear you're not confident with the higher notes in the
bridge (just like you point out yourself), but imo that's not necessary at all.
If you sing it again I'd sing those notes a bit louder (and expiriment with the
expression of the vocal sound while singing), don't worry, nothing to be insecure
about.
Beautiful song, thanks for sharing!

MM
I'm proud of this track, check it out! https://soundcloud.com/martimedia/dreams


Re: Shameless Soppiness for Valentine's Day :-) Wrap You Up
Reply #5 on: February 15, 2016, 01:32:02
What a gorgeous love song Zedd :) It's so sincere and so raw...I love it :) I love the bridge...it's perfect  8)

I think the lyrics are awesome  :) In the 2nd verse, if you want it to follow the same rhyming pattern as the 1st, you could say;

"I'll be the one, in who you confide"

"I'll cheer you on, at every fall" :)  Just a suggestion :)

I love the piano chords as well, and your vocals are lovely  :) I wonder how it would sound with harmonies in the chorus  :-\

I really like the simple version, but I would like to hear a fuller production...maybe some strings  :) :) Kudos Z


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Re: Shameless Soppiness for Valentine's Day :-) Wrap You Up
Reply #6 on: February 15, 2016, 03:57:44
Hi Zedd,

Lots of good comments already and for me the only points I can add are that I really like the basic feel of this song. The piano playing is excellent and your vocals do portray some melancholy for a love song but the feeling works.

I did think it misses a brief introduction and it seemed to end a little abruptly for me. Did you consider adding a little piano at the end?

A really nice song for Valentines Day

cheers

Jurgen


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Re: Shameless Soppiness for Valentine's Day :-) Wrap You Up
Reply #7 on: February 15, 2016, 23:52:27
« Last Edit: February 16, 2016, 00:15:32 by Zedd »
Thanks all for listening and taking the time for some great feedback and suggestions!

DB - thanks a mill for your comments - much appreciated.. Both you and Jurgen have commented on my sad / melancholic vocal delivery.. Interesting observations and now that you mention it I can see what you mean !!

Digger thanks so much.. A sax solo - now that would be fab.....  and yes, I can see strings too. A few suggestions of strings - have to say I haven't had much success adding electronically, probably time for me to try tackle..

MM -  Thanks for the comments particularly around my vocals.. I'll see if I can get my confident hat on me around the bridge and redo. Planning to redo both keys and vocals anyway so I'll take your comments on board. Thanks!

Rachel - thanks for your very detailed feedback. Very much appreciated.. You and CS are right about the 3rd verse lyrically.. Actually I think I could lose it altogether but if not, I'll swap around between your and CS' suggestions, perhaps "I'll pick you up, At every fall..." or something along those lines.. The Confide line I'm not sure about - I had played around with it but I quite liked rhyming 'side' with 'confide' and then having the "in" hang off the end.. but I'll tell ok at it.. thanks for the suggested changes... And on your comments on the bridge :) :)

CS - many thanks for your suggestions on arrangement and lyrics.. harmonies on the chorus (and maybe the bridge) i think would really add to it.. so thanks for that and all of your comments..

Jurgen thanks - suggestion to look at adding some piano at the end is interesting.. Hadn't considered that..

Thanks again all - really great to get this feedback.. I shall be adjusting accordingly (within my limitations  ;D ;D)...



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Re: Shameless Soppiness for Valentine's Day :-) Wrap You Up
Reply #8 on: February 16, 2016, 05:17:28
This is beautiful Zedd!

The intro works great in my opinion. The chords are beautiful..!! I think there's so many different ways you can go about with this.
You could keep the overall vibe and keep things to a minimum with maybe 1-2 instruments. But then you could also go more jazzy with this. Some soft brass, double bass, soft drums in the background. So much potential!!
The bridge is good but I would personally keep the first 8 bars and do something different either with the melody or the chords for the next 8. 16 bars felt a little too repetitive imo.
Anyways! This is really good! Thanks for sharing.. Can't wait for the final version!!

Nagne


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Re: Wrap You Up - Updated Version
Reply #9 on: February 17, 2016, 16:04:15
« Last Edit: February 17, 2016, 19:01:02 by Zedd »
Thanks a mill Nagne!

I love the idea of a very jazzy version and I think you're right about the bridge - it would work better with an instrumental in the second piece...

In the meantime I have rerecorded the vocal. Struck me that it's actually a bit too high for me so I took it down a tone and a half and made some of the lyrical edits suggested as well as a few added harmonies... So thank you for those suggestions..

I'll be taking all comments on board re arrangements - particularly like the idea of some brass and I will get some bass on it too. Thanks again..

Z


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Re: Wrap You Up - Updated Version
Reply #10 on: February 18, 2016, 00:54:20
Hey Karen, ow yeah that sounds better to me! I love the harmonies you added and the words in the bridge definately brighter now.
Mixwise the volume of the voice compared to the piano is better for me now. In the end production there needs to be a slight EQ cut in the mid range of your voice (imo), I did that with the mix of Fate Fate as well. That removed
the 'nasal' sound a little bit and sounded more natural.

I think I have a suggestion for your singing. I often hear you say you're not always comfortable and I think I can hear that. I think it has to do with how you breathe... Feels like you're scared you're running out of air (just a bit, almost not noticable). If you manage to gain better control over the breathing I'm sure you'll feel more comfortable and sing a more confident automatically. Again: this is almost not noticable, but I think that's what I hear.

I couldn't compare with the previous version and I'm not sure if you changed the melody in the bridge because you didn't like the high register. Anyway the bridge sounds pitch perfect, so no worries. You can sing higher than you might think!   

Was that helful to you?
MM


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Re: Wrap You Up - Updated Version
Reply #11 on: February 18, 2016, 15:29:40
Hey MM,

Yes that is very helpful! Re the bridge, I brought the whole song down 3 semis so the melody is same but the whole song is more in my range...

I'll look into the EQ (ahem, I've never done that before but it seems a good time to start ;D ;D)...

I think your observation on my singing is probably spot on.. I think it is a bit sketchy breathing wise... I'll see if I can work out the breathing a bit better and rerecord - there are bits of the vocal I dislike in any case so the steer on the breathing is good.

Great feedback from you and others.. I will post my observations on same on the feedback thread but thank you all! It is very much appreciated, especially to fairly much a novice in production / mixing, the feedback is invaluable, as well as the feedback I'm getting on the construct of song etc.

Thanks!!

Z


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Re: Wrap You Up - Updated Version
Reply #12 on: February 19, 2016, 15:07:11
Hi Z,

This is very special and very beautiful. I love the chord progression and especially the second voice in the chorus.
I would be careful with adding other instruments and try keep it as simple and "naked" as it is. Maybe just a soft bass line in the second half would be enough already. And I'd leave the final piano chord out, just keep the accompanying motif running a little longer and then stop it somewhere in the middle. That way it'll never wane... :-)

Cheers,
Mark


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Re: Wrap You Up - Updated Version
Reply #13 on: February 20, 2016, 11:32:37
Wow thank you for your lovely comments Mark and for your advice on the arrangement. Very much appreciated!!

Z


Re: Wrap You Up - Updated Version
Reply #14 on: February 21, 2016, 12:46:11
hi Zedd,   love the emotion in the song, Im not really sure where to start when analysing someone else song but as you asked about what instrumentation you would add, for some reason I would love the sound of flutes or some sax or trumpet in this song, don't know if this helps but I do like the song.



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